Dating the Knight of Swords

Posted in Knights | 4 comments

Dating the Knight of Swords

Anyone who doesn’t take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either. ~ Albert Einstein All the Knights are on a quest for something and this one is on a quest for Truth. He has an Aquarian feel to him. If he finds something to be true, he latches on to it for dear life but if a new (and possibly completely opposed) theory makes more sense, I promise you’ll never see anyone make a quicker 180 degree turnaround and cling to this new truth more forcefully. So what if his friends or family can’t keep up? Let’s face it, they will never matter as much as The Truth to this guy. He may be a an arrogant pain in the arse sometimes (aren’t we all?) but if you know this guy and he is mostly well-meaning then please stay here. If he seems to take pleasure in proving others wrong and/or using his intellect to decimate others then please refer to 8 Types of W*ankers. Pros: If he finds a worthy cause that he believes in, he will be a staunch ally and advocate for that cause. He is not emotionally manipulative and jealousy doesn’t float his boat. He has a genuine interest in the bigger picture and doesn’t mind putting the footwork in to research things to get to the heart of the matter. Having a sharp, analytical mind, he’s often found in the IT industry where he earns a good living. The money is never what motivates him though. He’s not afraid to experiment and try new things in the bedroom. Cons: The whole dating and romance game often seems silly and like a waste of time to him. He’s also quite quick to pick faults with things… and people. So if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing, you’re probably better off with someone who’s a bit softer. Even though he often demands complete freedom for himself in the relationship, he can be oddly possessive about his partner. Sexually, he may be more interested in technique than intimacy. In his old age, you can find him pondering the evils of Christmas on ‘Grumpy Old Men.’ Type of date he prefers: The cinema (preferably SciFi) or simply a game of chess. Why complicate things? Time from your first date until you introduce him to your parents: Not until he is convinced being with you makes sense. Since love never does, you may have to wait a while… Or he may introduce you to them after the first date. Expect the unexpected! Because his heart is not always aligned with or in proportion to his mind, he often surprises himself too when the odd swell of emotions takes over. Wedding style: If walking down the aisle to the theme of Star Wars is your idea of the most romantic wedding ever, then this guy is your...

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8 Types of W*nkers

Posted in Tarot Court Cards | 6 comments

8 Types of W*nkers

THE 4 KNIGHTS Let’s start with the reversed Knights. Their inner wanker is always close to the surface and doesn’t need much of an invitation to come out to play. These blokes are still young and they wouldn’t know subtle if it hit them in the face. Brimming with over-confidence (read ‘testosterone’) they are eager to put their mark on the world. The Reversed Knight of Wands. It’s no secret that the mark he wants to put on the world is in the form of notches on his bed post. He often has more than one partner on the go and can’t stop himself from flirting. Why should he even need to? He won’t be held accountable for any trespasses – it’s not his fault that he was born irresistible and that women can’t keep their hands off him! Player? Pfffft. He’s just young and sowing his oats! The world should be grateful that he shines the light of the Sun out of all his orifices. Suck it up, suckers! The Reversed Knight of Cups. Moody, brooding, difficult and just a general pain in the *rse. He’s almost always in a bad mood but it’s never his fault. He’s just sensitive and artistic and terribly misunderstood, you see. Yet he has this intensity behind the eyes that draws the ladies in. They seek to ease his suffering. Often quite a lot older than him, they mother him and look after all those boring earthly tasks that his artistic genius shouldn’t have to be bothered with. Manipulative? How dare you suggest such a thing! See, now he’s misunderstood again and off to drown his sorrows in a bottle of cheap red wine. The Reversed Knight of Swords. He is always right. Period. Never mind that he changed his mind just now. He was right then and he is right now and you are always totally wrong. He doesn’t date much. If he trawls the Internet dating sites it’s mostly to find someone to troll and cyber bully. He hates women and doesn’t really try to hide what he thinks of the highly irrational, much weaker sex. Will he ever score? He might occasionally pull because some chick thinks he’s really really clever. Mostly he just rapes women. The Reversed Knight of Pentacles. The thicko of the lot. Definitely more brawn than brains. He covers up his insecurity about lack of intellectual prowess by glassing people or biting their ear off. He likes his women looking like Barbie dolls and assumes that any woman of close to normal intelligence is a Lesbian or worse. You know you’ve accidentally started seeing one of these when you hear the words “What’s an intelligent woman like you doing with a bloke like me?” No matter how great the sex is, you won’t last 48 hours after that sentence has been uttered. THE 4 KINGS Kings...

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