In all forms of relating, people can be divided into three main categories: Givers, Takers and Matchers. Apparently, according to Adam Grant, the ones who have the highest success rates in terms of establishing happy long-term relationships are also the ones with the highest number of failed past relationships. Let’s take a look at what these personality types might look like in a Tarot reading.
The Giver in a Love Tarot Reading
Once the minority Giver finally(!) learns to navigate a world full of takers and matchers, they have a better-than-average chance to experience happiness in love. Everybody loves a Giver because a Giver is someone who expresses loving care in practical ways which make the receiver feel seen and appreciated. This quality is exactly what makes Givers such highly prized prey to Takers in particular and this is why so many Givers find themselves taken advantage of to the point of feeling and being completely sucked dry both emotionally and financially.
Givers should seek out other givers in order to establish happy and rewarding long-term relationships. Unfortunately, there is a natural pull toward takers. However, that ends when the giver becomes aware of their need to be needed and addresses his or her boundary issues.
The Taker in a Love Tarot Reading
The Taker is essentially a narcissist. He is only in it for whatever the Giver has to offer and has no real personal interest in or care for the other person. He is however the one who knows how to charm, seduce and sweep someone off their feet and straight into a toxic ‘manipulationship.’
Can a Taker change? Only if they learn to become motivated by love rather than fear. But let’s be realistic about how utterly terrifying this is to someone who has led their whole life wearing a mask to the world… They can change but it is about as rare as being witness to a werewolf transformation on the Full Moon…
The Matcher in a Love Tarot Reading
The Matcher is the one who keeps tabs on giving and receiving. If they give you something, they’ll expect something back. They will become annoyed if the gift is not reciprocated in the way and time frame they expect it to be. Most likely, they will also feel obliged to reciprocate any gift you give to them. They have a transactional mindset. Their biggest fear is being short-changed.
In business, it certainly pays off to be a Matcher… but in love, constantly keeping tabs kills any spontaneity and the underlying fear of not getting back what you give out seriously blocks love from flowing freely.
We may not be able to choose with whom we fall in love but we do get to choose how much we give away of both our own energy and our belongings… This is what sound personal boundaries are all about: to sometimes (in the interest of self-preservation) override the heart with the mind… Until such time the powers that be see fit to bring a kinder match our way.
Are you a Giver, Matcher or Taker? Would you rather date a Giver, Matcher or Taker? Please share your thoughts below and let me know how these types show themselves to you in readings.
Check out the Angelorum Love and Relationship Tarot Spreads!
Comments 10
A taker can understand being a taker herself and try to change? It’s happening to a friend of mine. Some people have told her that she empties them energetically, and you’re asking questions … She is indeed a narcissist, but she is not a bad person.
Is the equivalent of an energy vampire?
Yes, of course Takers can change! I’m glad to hear your friend is… and yes, it’s very much the equivalent of an energy vampire.
Thanks for the explanation, I hope she really is committed to this change! 🙂
Thanks Lisa. I know that’s true. That’s what I will focus on and create. 🙂
I’m a giver just breaking my 11 month addiction to a Narc Taker. You can add truth being the garlic to these emotional vampires and adrenaline junkie to your narrative. It always amazed me how when confronted with the truth he would become verbally abusive (demonic) to debase your credibility and question your sanity–when the depth of his lies and deceptions were endless. He preys on giving women (multiples) to survive — the victimizer disguised as the victim of betrayals (5 pentacles) in need of everything you can give this handsome, self-described “light bearer”. So what do you think…are narcissists born or bred; a result of nature or nurture?
Hi Ruth, glad to hear you are breaking free. Yes, they love to go into victim mode as soon as their true nature is uncovered, twisting everything to suit their own narrative. It’s creepy. Are they born or bred? Hmm… I think they may be born with slightly less empathy than normal people but not completely devoid of it as that would make them pure psychopaths. Many of them have overindulging mothers and many have been abused/abandoned… but there are plenty of people who grow up with similar scenarios and choose to be good to others rather than users of people.
My one’s mother died when he was young. As she was depicted by queen of cups reversed I imagine she was the smothering type. Then he was abandoned by the father. I believe people always have a choice but most in these circumstances are not enlightened enough to make the right choice.
I am trying to heal the need in myself that attracts me to someone who rejects me. At least I’m getting out before it’s too late; I see my future situation mirrored to me if I stay and it looks bleak.
Wish me luck!
Jade, more than luck I wish for you a period of healing and focus on loving Self. You will find your way… it gets easier with time. Keep reminding yourself – You worthy, you are loved and you deserve only the very best <3
Thank you for writing this post. It’s what I’m dealing with at the moment through my involvement with a narcissist. My have intense love for this guy but I see that it’s toxic. If I’m honest with myself I can see that he is just as greedy to take as I am to give. But then he rejects me 🙁
I usually see us reflected as the 4 pentacles (him) and 9 pentacles (me).
I have been interpreting the 7 swords reversed as the mind games he plays on me.
The question is, do I have the strength to walk away? I’m trying to fix this need to give in me. Any ideas where to start? :/
Sorry to hear you’re in the jaws of a Narc Shark, Jade. Just walk away. You don’t need to fix the need to give – you need to find another giver. You’re beautiful just as you are and deserve so so much better!