4 Myths and 7 Truths about Soul Mate Relationships

image of young couple in love


As a tarot reader, I often get asked if the person a client is dating is their soul mate. There is nothing odd about having an intuitive feeling of being deeply connected to someone you have just met – Most of the time, the cards verify this gut feeling and he or she do indeed turn out to be a soul mate. What many people don’t realise is that meeting a soul mate does not automatically equal ‘happily ever after.’ The Wikipedia definition of soul mate only helps cement the myth that your soul mate is always a life long partner:

A soulmate (or soul mate) is a lifelong partner that is predetermined by God. Believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.

By the way, in my experience, not even a Twin Flame (which is our other soul half) is always predetermined to be our lifelong companion – but that’s a story for another time. Let’s dispel some of the most common myths and set the record straight!

Top 4 myths about soul mates and soul mate relationships

  • When you meet your soul mate, you will end up marrying him or her
  • You only have one soul mate and he or she is your ideal lover
  • Soul mate relationships are always blissfully happy because you have finally met ‘The One’
  • You can’t feel complete until you have met your soul mate

So what is a soul mate really and why do they come into our lives…?

7 truths about soul mate relationships

  • A soul mate is a member of your soul group
  • Here on earth, they can be a family member, friend or even colleague
  • You have a sense of instant recognition (or, in case of family members, a deeper bond than with the rest of the family)
  • You can often sense your soul mate through time and space, even when physically separated
  • Important life lessons are always attached to soul mate relationships
  • Soul mate relationships are rarely easy
  • Feeling like you are somehow incomplete usually has nothing to do with not being in a soul mate relationship – It’s and indication that you need to learn to love yourself.

Your soul family A soul mate is someone from your soul group or soul family – a group of souls that you have contracts with to learn certain lessons. Many of you will incarnate at the same time so that you can work out karmic issues and learn lessons set out in your soul contracts. Your soul mate can be your brother, sister, father, uncle, grandmother, cousin, best friend, first boyfriend, the woman you settle down with, your grandson etc etc ad infinitum.

How to tell if someone is your soul mate So how do you know that they are a soul mate? You will have an instant and permanent bond which keeps you energetically united even if you were to separate physically. There is also some important life lesson attached to your relationship. My paternal grandmother is from the same soul group as me. During some truly magical holidays, she awakened my interest in divination (she used to read coffee grounds and molten lead). She appeared in a dream vision a few years after she passed on, showing me her heavenly garden (she was an avid gardener in life) to let me know she was alright, which was a huge relief since she suffered horribly from multiple health problems late in life. She died on my 19th birthday and while it was very upsetting at the time, I now know that this was a message in and of itself that she would always be with me and watch over me. The life lesson she taught me was to connect with and trust my intuition – it ended up being what I do for a living!

How to tell if a soul mate lover is ready to have a soul mate relationship with you In love, soul mates come and soul mates go. Often we cling to doomed romantic relationships when we come across a soul mate lover because we misunderstand the purpose of their path crossing ours. Sometimes, it’s merely to teach us about forgiveness, kindness or unconditional love. Rarely is it about settling down and starting a family together. Often, only time will tell. Even if you do have a Love Tarot reading, the reading won’t take choice away from either of you and even with soul mates, the future is not always set in stone. Yes, you were meant to meet. No, it doesn’t necessarily mean marriage. In the end, it comes down to if you are both able to love and support each other unconditionally:

  • Do you feel more expansive, safer and more supported in the relationship?
  • Do you have more fun and a greater lust for life when you are together?
  • Is there an equal flow of give and take?
  • Is there mutual respect?
  • Do you truly enrich each other’s existence?
  • Do you both feel seen and listened to?
  • Is your lover also your best friend?

If you answered yes to all of the questions above, you have realised full soul mate potential in your relationship. Congratulations! However, if you answered ‘No’ to some of them, the person you are with could still be your soul mate – they may just not be ready for a soul mate experience. A Love Tarot reading could clear that up for you…

Blessed be!

☆ Lisa Frideborg ☆

Comments 35

  1. I think I’ve met my soulmate. I have these intense feelings for my best friend, that we’re meant to be together, and even when we’re apart for years I feel like we’re never left. The feeling is mutual, but it always seems like wrong timing with us. Either I’m with someone or he’s with someone. I’m currently in a long term relationship, that I can be myself and feel safe and secure and I do care and love him, but it’s not a romantic love, not anywhere near how I feel for my best friend, and I don’t think I could ever feel that strongly for him. I feel guilty having these feelings, but I think about my best friend all the time and in my dreams. But I keep telling myself it would never work out because of distance as he lives far away. I’m a little confused how I should feel or what to do.

    1. Dear Christina, we have many soul mates (people we have incarnated with before) and some of them touch our hearts in ways we cannot begin to understand because memories of past lives together have been erased. All we know is that there is an instant sense of recognition and a desire to be close. Sometimes there are mixed feelings because humans are complex and very few past lives are based only on a pure, loving connection. There could be underlying abandonment issues, and I believe those in particular can create an overwhelming desire to BE with the other person when you finally meet up again. Please do not feel guilty about how you FEEL. There is absolutely nothing you can do other than to recognise and try to understand. Sometimes feelings become less intense over time and sometimes they don’t. While you may not be able to choose how you feel, you are free to choose how to act. Treat everyone according to the Golden Rule, i.e. the same as you wish to be treated… with love, respect and truthfulness. I think these are times when a Tarot reading can be very helpful in terms of understanding what this person has come into your life to teach you about yourself… Blessings, Lisa

  2. Hello, I am confused about a person who believes me to be his soulmate and I believe it is true as well. We were lovers in the past, never really dated or anything. We keep going back to each other, as friends, over the years of not even talking and it’s like no time has interfered with the love we have for each other. This is something we have just recently realized and stopped fighting. I am in a long-term relationship and he is currently single and pursuing other endeavors. I am curious how to go about this relationship when I am with someone else? I don’t see things going anywhere with my friend but I wouldn’t want my current boyfriend to feel uncomfortable and suspicious at the love we share for each other. Is it something I should even bring up?
    Thanks for any advise you can give.

  3. hey im archana ….i think i found my soul mate im feeling this because me and my loved one have similar likings in all things and we do think in a same manner moreover we love eachother unconditionally.. but he is 23 yrs old and im 17 does age matter in finding out our soulmates

    1. Hi Archana, we each have many soul mates. A soul mate is just someone from our soul group of souls that we keep incarnating with over and over in order to learn different lessons. They can be any age and do not necessarily have to be romantic partners. I’m glad you found someone who loves you unconditionally – that is precious! Blessed be!

  4. I forgot to mention there are of course a lot of levels to being soul mates. For example I have a very close friend I’m absolutely sure is a soul mate and when we investigated the nature and “reason” of our having met (again) in this life the answer was: to support each other and keep each other company in difficult times. So that is a very positive soul mate connection while others are painful.
    On top of that I don’t believe that “the One” really exists. What an awful thought if there was only ever ONE perfect partner for each person? What if they died before you found them? What if you never met them? What if they married someone else before you got to them? I think a lot of people have the potential of becoming “the One” and as you already said in the comments…there’s a lot of free will involved. (Hence Love Tarot readings can only ever tell you so much…someone may theoretically be an ideal partner but decide not to get involved for example).

      1. My husband died about two years ago. We were very much in love and very happy. I know he’s one of my soul mates and the only one I want to be with. Will we be reunited in the next life under the same capacity or was the best thing that ever happened to me gone for eternity?

        1. Sorry to hear about your loss, Catherine. Soul mates are always reunited. I recommend reading Dr Michael Newton’s books Destiny of Souls and Journey of Souls for more information on this. You spend a lot of ‘time’ together with your soul group members on the other side too, not just in the physical. I can’t predict the future with regards to this. It is not even something I would want to read on, even if I could. We are simply not meant to know. That said, I would stay open to the possibility of meeting more soul mates, or even people who are not from your soul group, who could be just as wonderful as your dear belated husband. Who is to say the best is not yet to come? Blessings

  5. I have met a soul mate, maybe even a twin flame and boy was it NOT the happily-ever-after relationship!! 🙂 In my experience soul mates are rarely the ones we end up with for good as often they only serve a purpose like teaching you a valuable lesson. I am still sure that I was supposed to meet him, I am very sure I knew him in another life, I have felt a connection that I had never felt before and never again as intense after that and I’m glad I met him and I’m glad we spent the time we did but we were certainly not meant to end up together. It would have caused a lot of hurt for other people for one and it probably wouldn’t have been a lifelong relationship anyway. So I can only agree with what you write and since then I often ask “Are you sure you really want him/her to be your soul mate?”. 😉
    I have never had the same feeling about my husband for example but the connection we have here, in this life, in this plane of reality runs a lot (A LOT a lot!) deeper and will possibly tie us together for lives to come. Took me a while to realise that, which was probably all part of the lesson to be learnt. Don’t just listen to the thunderclaps but also to the silent melodies….

  6. Thank you so much for helping me to understand what a true soulmate is! It’s so simple and makes so much sense now to know that first of all there is more than one and also that they can be anyone who you have that special connection with. I had several people come to mind immediately; my favorite uncle who I had such a special close relationship with, my grandmother, and friends that I swear I’ve know in another lifetime ! I recently met a man through work who I had that feeling with right away, we both feel it but its also very scary at the same time because of our circumstances. I hope I can look at our relationship with an open heart and understand that we have come into each others lives to teach each other something, and as much as it breaks my heart I must also except that it probably won’t be forever. The hard thing is all of these feelings that I have never experienced before and what to do with them if he is no longer in my life! Thank you again karin

    1. Karin, yes it is hard. It’s one of the most painful situations we have to deal with in life. All we can do is take comfort in the fact that the pain of separation lasts only until we pass over… You can think of this pain as the grain of sand that creates the pearl…

  7. who is responsible for my happiness is me. True love is a selfless emotion and doesn’t come with any guarantees. When someone says “I love you” – it doesn’t always mean they will love you in the way you want to be loved. Soulmate relationships are not usually easy. However, they usually present the opportunities for both parties to learn significant lessons. Once, these lessons have been learnt, the relationship has served it’s purpose. I believe this may take more than one life time which explains the connection we feel when meeting a soulmate.

  8. Hi Lisa
    What a brilliant article! Based on my own experience and reading the tarot for others, I think relationships are an area where many of us struggle. Quite often, I believe this is due to a misunderstanding of the concept of a soul mate and the tendency to place unrealistic expectations on our significant other. Over the years, I have realised the only person

  9. Hi Lisa
    I think relationships are the one area in life where so many of us struggle to get it right. Quite often, I believe this is due to the unrealistic expectations we place on relationships. As a fellow tarot reader, I often get asked the question “When will I meet my soulmate?” and the sense that once they have accomplished this it somehow guarantees happiness. I think this is partly down to a misunderstanding the concept of a soul mate and the belief that

    1. Hey, Sally – thanks for commenting! I think the last bit of your message got cut off! 😛
      I totally agree… it’s unrealistic expectations that form the greatest stumbling block when it comes to relationship happiness. Many of the posts on this blog address those expectations. 🙂

  10. Yes, I know what you mean. People are not always at the same point of awareness. But if they are it can be really awesome.

    Having said that I get the impression that it sometimes is not easy to separate that which IS from what we WANT it to be.
    So often I have seen people complain that the one who was DEFINITELY their soulmate was in their “running away” period. While I think that this is sometimes the truth, sometimes it might just mean that the other one was never the “One” to begin with, and people projected too many of their hopes onto the other.

    Though I am aware that we need to make a distinction between different “kinds” of soulmates and then there is the Twinsoul, right?

    Ironically even those who may – despite our firm belief- not be “the One”, are usually karmic soulmates, teaching us a vital lesson (like the need to let go, even though we might feel very attached emotionally, for example).

    1. I found your checklist at the end of your article such a great thing, cause having found a soulmate surely shouldn`t justify abusive behaviour, and no matter if we believe the other to be a soulmate or twinsoul or whatever terms are out there, in the end it is all about love, a supportive equal kind of love I mean.

    2. I think ‘The One’ is mostly the one who drags his arse out of the mud, picks himself up and stands up tall to match the soul mate vibration. There is more free will at work here than most people are willing to recognise. And yes, projections and wishful thinking do their part to make sure we stay on the merry-go-round a bit longer but in the end, anyone can be a soul mate to someone if they open up to unconditional love. When we channel source through the heart that way, karma is resolved, dissolved and made null and void. So much grace to be had!

    1. Actually the only thing I could point out (at least for now; I am always open for my opinions and beliefs to be in a constant flow, so they might change over time), would be that though there are often some difficult lessons to be learned with soulmates, sometimes they really ARE easy.
      I believe that soulmate-connections come really in all “flavours”, including the harsh lessons as well as the really happy couples.

      1. Hi, Lisa 🙂 Sorry it took so long to respond. I would say, yes, we did. He asked me to marry him the first night we were together. We were married on the canunpa (pipe-he’s Oglala Sioux from Wounded Knee, SD) which means our spirits are bound now in this life and the next. It’s pretty cool.

  11. Thank you so much for this post! A few months back I moved overseas and met one of my soulmates (and I thought there was only one soulmate for someone!). The relationship was constantly on and off and it was pure struggle – but the lesson I have learnt was invaluable and I assume could only be learnt with this person. Your post completes my lesson. Thanks again.

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