You probably don’t know that I have Crohn’s. I don’t talk about it much at all because it’s not in my nature to discuss illnesses. People dislike hearing about it just as much as I hate talking about and dwelling on it. However, this morning I feel prompted to share something about my own healing journey because I feel cautiously optimistic that it may be helpful to some of you.
And no, it’s not the story of a miracle healing or a successfully completed course of treatment. This is a story about budding awareness. The beginning of a new journey and the birth of hope. That’s no small thing when you have suffered from something for most of your life.
The colour associated with the sacral chakra is orange. For most of my life, I’ve had an aversion to the colour orange and especially to wearing it on my body. This changed just over two years ago. All of a sudden, I felt strongly drawn to this colour and even bought a couple of orange tops to wear. However, bringing the colour into my life did nothing to actually heal my sacral chakra or the related part of the gut. If anything, my condition worsened.
The reason for this is that I simply wasn’t ready to face my shadow. A holistic approach that involved addressing the underlying psychological issues was needed. Instead of doing that work, I started having intense dreams, all involving lots of people and lots of situations where I found myself feeling ashamed and bad about myself.
As of two days ago, I started working my way through The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep. Less than a fifth into the book, it became apparent to me what was happening in my dreams. My subconscious mind was being directed by my karmic threads, pulling it into the sacral chakra and generating dreams relating to this level of awareness.
As an aside: I do realise that this is working with a different chakra system to the one described in the book. The Tibetan system has only one gut/spleen chakra, whereas the Indian system that I’m used to working with has two. But I honestly don’t think that matters as much as our own experience of the energy.
This morning, I woke up after yet another very involved dream with lots of people and lots of shame. I listened to the Rinpoche speak about the karmic threads doing their thing while we sleep and understood that dreams can heal or cause harm. My dreams had been making my health worse and I had nobody but myself to blame for refusing to do the required shadow-work.
After doing my morning meditation and listening to the Tibetan Dream Yoga audiobook while I got ready for the day ahead, I did my daily reading from the Gospel of Thomas.
His disciples said, “Show us the place where you are, because we need to look for it.”Gospel of Thomas, Logion 24
He said to them, “Anyone who has ears to hear should hear! Light exists within a person of light, and they light up the whole world. If they don’t shine, there’s darkness.”
A lot of clarity came with the Tarot reading I did for today’s passage.
For this morning’s reading with The Muse Tarot, I asked the Tarot how I could shine the light into the world. I asked in full awareness of the fact that I’m best at shining my light into the world through my creativity so having a damaged sacral chakra makes it difficult for me to stay fully aligned with my calling and life purpose.
The first card (5 of Swords) shows me the situation, with the next card representing the challenge (6 of Cups). The third card represents the action I must take (4 of Wands). The quint of the first three cards is 15 The Devil, signifying the spiritual lesson.
The Devil here is the Gatekeeper. Am I prepared to face the darkness of my mind and heart that will be laid bare when the light is fully switched on? Will I take responsibility for the pain I have caused others through a mind that has been divided against itself (and therefore against others via projections)?
Am I willing to let go of the ‘eidolon’ I have created of myself, the false self-image that is woven by threads of karma and held together by fear?
The 4 of Wands in The Muse Tarot shows four women dressed in white, busy channeling light in meditation. They are sat on a rock representing existence and together they are lighting up that world, re-creating it in the image of the One who is the Light.
I initially reached for another deck to do this reading but I see now why Spirit wanted me to use the Muse Tarot deck! I feel sucker-punched by the strong imagery. That’s a good thing. That’s how we wake up from the dream.
Back to Orange
Notice how the colour orange is predominant in the action advice card, the 4 of Wands. Notice how the colour orange is even more intense in The Devil card. Each of the two people controlled by the Devil are dressed in orange!
The challenge card, 6 of Cups, relates to childhood issues (clearly visible in the card). The woman in the card is embracing the memory of herself as a child. When I do that, I’m still filled with sorrow and regret. The memories filled with fear and sadness far outweigh the happy memories. This is what needs healing.
Red – A Foundation of Fear
In the 6 of Cups, you will notice that the child is sitting on a bright red suitcase. How apt!
Now, if we look at the first card, the 5 of Swords, we see that the red colour of the root chakra is being projected from the eyes of the person divided against themself through their mind, out into the world. For my sacral chakra to be as messed up as it is, it had to rest on a foundation of fear. The good news is that fear literally equals…
Only When You See It
The discoveries I have made today do not equal healing; they equal the beginning of a new healing journey that I can make in full awareness. Maybe I will learn how to become lucid and control my dreams through dream yoga…
But even if I can’t master that art, just knowing what I’m looking at in my dreams is beginning to help me relax and realise that it doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, it doesn’t have to be this way on any level, spiritually (The Devil), mentally (5 of Swords) or emotionally (6 of Cups).
The gut issues I have lived with my whole life developed when I was about six years old and started the shift in awareness from my first (root) to my second (sacral) chakra. I see it clearly now. Thank you, Spirit!