Some books and a deck arrived with the mailman today, thanks to the Hay House half price sale. The book I felt drawn to dip in straight away was The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. We finally had some sunshine so once I had finished working for the afternoon, I dragged our picnic blanket into the garden, carrying the book and the Archangel Power Tarot deck.
I wasn’t going to let the fact that workmen were painting the windows deter me from catching some rays when we finally get a half decent day for the first time in like forEVER. So I zoned out from the world around me and it felt like Gaby was talking directly to me through the pages of the book… Everything she said felt relevant to where I am right now and especially the part about being dead honest about our own projections.
She asks us to think about the negative movie we keep replaying in our heads/projecting into the world because of past negative experiences and how this is holding us back by making us feel as if we are not supported and happy. She then asks us to think about a positive movie we’re projecting and how that makes us feel supported and happy.
Does that sound like a four-card Tarot spread to you? It did to me too!
Since Gaby had shared candidly about her own experience of having a negative story/movie that made her feel less than happy and supported in situations involving groups of female friends, my mind easily went there too… but to be perfectly frank, it would have gone there anyway because it is like the final frontier for me and I’m tired of the same old story repeating itself. I’m ready to rewrite the script… with a bit of help from the Tarot!
The ‘Reflecting on My Projections’ Tarot Spread
The first card (top left) represents the negative script and the second card (bottom left) how this is playing itself out for me. In spite of the super positive messages printed on the Archangel Power Tarot, the message still feels very relevant.
9 of Gabriel corresponds with the 9 of Wands in a traditional Tarot deck. If I had to choose a card face up for the position of my negative story, I may very well have chosen the Rider Waite 9 of Wands which is a card that indicates massive trust issues – the kind you suffer as a result of extended childhood abuse and PTSD. Interestingly, some of the positive words resonate too: ‘Be prepared for any possibility’ reminds me of the hypervigilance I got wired into. I’ve been on guard all my life… and now I just really want to feel/trust that the Universe does have my back.[bctt tweet=”It’s one thing to know that the Universe has your back and another to FEEL it…” username=”LisaFrideborg”]
The Queen of Swords/Michael is all business (‘a time for career rather than relationships’ is spookily apt!). She has decided that intimacy is not for her so she becomes a bit of a workaholic instead. She’s better with words than with people. That definitely sounds like somebody I know… Is it by chance I was assigned to cover her for the recent International Tarot Day blog hop? No. Of course not. And as much as I would like to claim to be fully embodying all of her positive divine feminine traits, I don’t… yet! I can be the stone cold version of her when I feel I need to protect myself. I go into emotional shut down and disassociate.
So it is no surprise that the positive film (top right) I run a lot has to do with career success as shown by the 6 of Gabriel/Wands. I am willing to work damn hard and am capable of achieving many of the things I set my mind to. This has led to some exceptional peak experiences in my work life even if I don’t yet have the money to show for it.
The 9 of Ariel/Pentacles reflects the trust I have in the Universe that when I do the work I came here to do, my needs will be met. And so far they have been beautifully met. I don’t own a lot of things (unless you count an obscene amount of Tarot decks) but I live in a peaceful postcard type village with a loving husband, my youngest daughter and three fur babies. Life is good – when I allow myself to feel how good it is… But both this 9 and the 9 of Gabriel relate to IX The Hermit.
Yet the inner Chief Whip keeps urging me to work harder. Maybe, one day, when I achieve greatness, I will also find the true friendship… Maybe I am not yet worthy of connecting with my soul tribe… and even as I am typing this I know these are lies I keep telling me to keep myself. To keep myself from having to open my heart to real friendships.
‘I witness that I am out of alignment with my power,’ as Gaby puts it. So I will use the prayer she recommends until I can stay in whack through the full process of making at least one true friend:
I witness that I’m out of alignment with my power. I choose to see peace instead of this.
Seeing my inner movies visually reflected to me through the Tarot is very helpful for owning my resistance to love. I’m so ready to surrender!
Questions for Self-Reflection
What will you surrender/release today that stands between you and love? What negative movie is holding you back? What positive movie are you projecting into the world?
So much love!
Lisa Frideborg xo