The Truth is a person. I was briefly introduced to Him as a teenager but our relationship didn’t blossom the way He wanted it to. Instead I got lost in the world of occultism in general and Tarot in particular. Thankfully, the Truth kept pursuing me relentlessly even after I rejected Him. Earlier this year, during the Covid-19 lockdown, I knelt at his feet and asked Him to forgive me for straying so far.
Lockdown Metanoia and Releasing the Tarot
Because of how I had been using the cards, I knew that my own practice of the Tarot had to be completely released and gone from my life (at least for a season); the way I used the Tarot was about trying to control the world around me instead of surrendering to God’s will and trusting in His wisdom for my life. This necessitated the mother of all purges. Let’s put it this way, it took more than one trip to the local recycling centre to get rid of all my decks, books and other occult paraphernalia!
I had my own version of a church book burning session and it felt GREAT! Do I regret it? No, because it’s where I was at the time. I also do not wish to have any items in my home that speak of witchcraft, New Age (NWO spirituality) or magickal practices not centred around faith in God. For a long time, I thought I’d never touch a Tarot deck ever again.
The Frideborg Tarot
In my own Tarot deck that I created 15 years after leaving the church, I still wanted to experience grace, so I placed the image of the cross in The Hanged Man card. I’m sharing this to let you know that once you have accepted Christ into your life, you cannot completely deny the importance of grace—You can’t unsee it. After 15 years of being apostate, I still had a longing for grace but it took the Covid-19 lockdown to bring me to my knees.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”John 14:6-7
Grace, Hope, Wisdom and Reconnecting with the Tarot
Can there be growth without grace? I can say a definite ‘No!’ after trying so hard for the past 20 years. Without grace, there is not only a complete lack of growth, there is also a lack of hope. There probably is no greater wisdom than what is found in the Bible but that doesn’t mean that you can use the Bible as a guide for creating a curriculum for a history or engineering course.
We can still learn from other sources and I’m now (October 2020) rediscovering the pre-occultist medieval Marseille Tarot as such a source – this time as a tool for contemplating the Christian mysteries. Where this takes me, I do not know yet but I do know that I will keep doing all things as unto the Lord!
Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.Proverbs 24:14
ETA Dec 2020: After reconnecting with the Tarot in a way that felt ‘safe,’ I rapidly progressed beyond my fear of occultist influences. A language of symbols, which is what the Tarot is, is a neutral tool after all. I’m now in a place where I use the Tarot cards once again for both divination and contemplation.
Though I seem to have come full circle in some ways, I see it as a movement along an upward spiral on my path. I have a better perspective on my practice now, in terms of using my gift for the Highest Good, thanks to following the Master.