Abandoned by God?

My husband and I were chatting this morning and I tried to gently explain to him why I was concerned about demonic attachments to things I had used in my occult practices. Unlike me, my very kind and understanding huband never engaged in any occult or pagan spiritual practices. He also didn’t grow up seeing demons like I did and while he understands that there is spiritual warfare going on, it’s quite abstract to him.

Honestly, I couldn’t be more grateful because God is speaking to my husband’s heart at this time and his focus is purely on getting to know God through God’s Word. When he told me he didn’t want to complicate things by dragging demons into the discussion, I totally knew that he was right to feel that way because even though we are now on the same path–finally!–our walk with the Lord is not identical and in no way do I want my past to become an unnecessary stumbling block to him.

A bit later, during our run, a memory from a year ago surfaced. I said to Mike, ‘I know you’re right to keep your focus completely on Jesus and I don’t wish to complicate things but a memory just popped up that helps illustrate the reality of what I’m facing.’ I continued to share because he had been with me at the time of this incidence that took place just over a year ago.

A Spirit of Religiosity

We had pulled up in the Tesco parking lot, quite close to the entrance. There was a young, unkempt man who looked agitated under the awning next to the entrance. He had his carer with him, a woman who looked about my age. When we started walking toward the entrance he pointed at me and said in a loud voice: ‘There goes one abandoned by God!’

Those were his exact words and I will never forget them. They were spoken by a demon to cause me to feel shame and it worked! My husband said, ‘Gosh, I remember–You were really disturbed by it!’

For him to remember the event exactly the way it happened brought me some relief because it’s hard to be the only seer in the family. It helped him understand the reality of demonic possession and how it is not as uncommon as one might think in this modern day and age.

This memory surfaced thanks to reading Praying Medic’s book Divine Healing Made Simple, where the first demon he encountered was a similar ‘spirit of religiosity.’ The possessed woman in his ambulance was ranting about hellfire and God’s judgment. Demons want us to feel as rotten about God’s judgment as they do because that way we forget to seek grace.


I want to emphasise that I in no way feel beleaguered by evil spirits/demons since leaving the occult. Unlike many ex occultists, I have not suffered a great deal. On the day I made the decision to surrender to God, I did feel the presence a couple of spirits but as soon as I surrendered and asked Jesus to be Lord of my life, they were gone. My full-time obsession with the Tarot that has lasted for more than two decades was gone too.

The enemy is the Father of Lies. That demon outside Tesco wanted me to feel that God had indeed abandoned me and I might as well carry on with the occult practices that I was engaged in. Rather than going home and falling on my knees to repent then and there, it took another year for me to admit to myself that I was on a path of confusion and destruction. April 2020 brought the start of a brand new life with Jesus at the helm!

God 1–Satan nil.

Christ Abandoned by God?

Christ died for us so that we would never have to feel abandoned by God. Before he died on the cross, our Saviour said “Eli Eli lama sabachthani.” These are words from Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer…”

This is a deep mystery to meditate on with great humility and gratitude.

In Him