22 Ways He May Not Cherish You And What To Do About It

22 Major Arcana cards from the Swedish Witch Tarot image

The Major Arcana cards bring us the 22 Big Lessons that all of us have to navigate on the road to individuation and ego transcendence. Each of these lessons also come up in our most intimate relationship, where what is often hidden deep inside us is mirrored back to us through the words and deeds of our lovers. The main thing to bear in mind that there is no need to take any of the pain and rejection that comes with our love lessons personally.

Until we are ready for Big Love, it is all practice and even then the lessons will keep cropping up but by then we will not be sweating the small stuff because by then we will know how to create mutually supportive, responsible and mature love relationships.

The following list of Major Arcana card meanings cover the big, more challenging and painful relationship lessons. This is not a complete list of relationship meanings for the Majors but it helps you focus more clearly if you are doing a relationship reading and these cards show up reversed/poorly aspected. The good news is that each card also carries its own remedy, so you will gain an understanding not only of the actual lesson but also what to do about it:

The Fool

Painful lesson: You may often find yourself baffled at his erratic behaviour, aloofness and mixed signals. How much space does a guy really need?

Remedy: Detach emotionally through meditation and EFT. Connect with your own inner child and start doing more of what you love, with or without him.

The Magician

Painful lesson: He may be ‘flexible’ with the truth and you have learned to distrust his gift of gab.

Remedy: Learn to become very clear in your own communication and make a point of helping him understand that you do not tolerate BS.

The High Priestess

Painful lesson: Secrecy abounds and you feel that you have to keep guessing his intention and desires.

Remedy: Learn to keep your own cards close your chest until you know he his worthy of sharing what is in your heart.

The Empress

Painful lesson: He may bring out your mothering and nurturing qualities. You find yourself overgiving and not feeling appreciated. Hint: any time you feel like he doesn’t appreciate you, you are giving too much in the relationships.

Remedy: Learn to nurture yourself first.

The Emperor

Painful lesson: He is dominant, aggressive and abusive or you find yourself drawn to/turned on by these types of men. Please understand that this must never be tolerated under any circumstance. Read The Soulmate Excuse if you find yourself making excuses for his behaviour.

Remedy: You need to find ways of raising your own inner Fire and balancing the masculine and feminine energy within your own body. Emotionally, this could mean working through father issues.

The Hierophant

Painful lesson: You are both slotting into traditional gender roles without much thought if this is a model that suits your personalities and supports your process of individuation. Certain things are expected of you and you find yourself growing increasingly resentful because of it.

Remedy: Understand your own needs better and learn to rebel against expectations. Find your voice and speak your truth clearly and without shame.

The Lovers

Painful lesson: He is not choosing with his whole heart and he is either seeing someone on the side or hung up on an ex.

Remedy: Love yourself with your whole heart. Truly fall in love with yourself and do not settle for a relationship with someone who is not able to give his heart completely.

The Chariot

Painful lesson: He is selfish and/or uses withholding to manipulate the power balance within the relationship to his own advantage.

Remedy: Learn to own your own power. Once you develop this kind of emotional maturity, you will be able attract the same in a mate and lessons about withholding will end. Also, a true love relationship is not about maintaining a power balance. Unconditional love transcends power issues and strives for compromise.


Painful lesson: He is unkind and overpowering. He may be a slave to his own drives and desires and could be using you to satisfy those drives. He has aligned with the nature of the beast in the traditional Strength image.

Remedy: You have attracted this relationship because you are not acknowledging your own drives and desires so he takes on the role of mirroring them back to you until you are ready to embrace your Shadow with kindness and compassion.

The Hermit

Painful lesson: He may use his verbal skills and intellect to create distance between you because of a fear of intimacy… or he may just have gone AWOL.

Remedy: Either way, the remedy is to look to your past concerning lessons of isolation and/or abandonment. Healing is found through forgiveness of those who have made you feel this way in the past. You will then be free to engage more with the world and start feeling included and safe, even in your most intimate relationships.

The Wheel of Fortune

Painful lesson: Constant risk taking and playing Russian Roulette with the (sexual) health of a lover falls under the domain of this card. There is a tendency to go overboard due to a lack of ability to stay grounded, realistic and centred.

Remedy: Experiment and learn to feel your own energy flow. Find a grounding technique that works for you and use it regularly. And remember that lesson about not needing to jump off the bridge just because your friends do or tell you to!


Painful lesson: He is not fair or he is choosing to sit on the fence indefinitely.

Remedy: Decide what you want and are OK with – especially when it comes to making any kind of long term commitment. Once you put up with disrespect from a guy in any way, shape or form, he quickly decides that you do not deserve respect. Ditch him and quickly learn this lesson once and for all.

The Hanged Man

Painful lesson: Relationship limbo and indefinite confusion which stems from him not knowing what he wants or simply being happier in limbo (drugs/addiction could be the cause). He could also be playing a game of smoke and mirrors to keep you confused!

Remedy: Release the need to know and be in control as it will lead nowhere. Take back your power by letting him know that he can get back in touch when he has his life back on track.


Painful lesson: Endings are painful. Acknowledge this and allow yourself to feel the pain fully. There is no way around this, you have to go through it.

Remedy: Don’t wallow endlessly once you have allowed yourself to truly feel the pain. It’s easy to get stuck in a loop of focusing of what is now missing from your life. The trick is to re-align with an abundance mindset as this will allow you to see that he was not the be-all-and-end-all of LOVE in your life. There are, as the saying goes, plenty of fish in the sea.


Painful lesson: He is argumentative and constantly picking fault with what you do. He is not supportive of your work or life goals.

Remedy: Create a vision for your own life that is strong enough to propel you forward… on your own. Anyone, and I mean anyone who is less than supportive of your life goals must be dropped from your life. For this there can be no compromise as you compromise your own life force when you are not able to align with your life purpose due to someone close to you undermining you.

The Devil

Painful lesson: You may find yourself in a co-dependent relationship with someone who is both abusive and addicted.

Remedy: Run for your life! When you are far, far away and know that there will be no further contact, start looking at your own psychological pattern that got you locked into co-dependency. Understanding is always the first step.

The Tower

Painful lesson: Oops! Did he flunk his anger management course?

Remedy: Don’t hang around people with anger issues unless you really enjoy a life of walking on egg shells. There is a reason you are OK with allowing someone else’s anger to control life. Find the reason – but only after you’ve told them you’re leaving. You can’t work through your own issues if you have to tiptoe around someone else.

The Star

Painful lesson: Everybody else’s need comes before yours – heck, even the neighbour’s dog is more important. Oh yes, he’s such a great humanitarian and buddy but he just can’t seem to get really close to anyone romantically.

Remedy: This is a problem only because your core needs are so different. You need more intimacy than is on offer here. It’s time to call it a day.

The Moon

Painful lesson: There may interference due to past life karma or fear runs the show for other reasons.

Remedy: It’s time for a time-out. Tell him you need ten days to do other stuff and invest in a dream journal. Keep a record of your dreams and see if you still feel like seeing him after this period. Get a reading done by a professional since it may be difficult to gain objectivity about what is happening here.

The Sun

Painful lesson: It’s all about him and his needs. You are in orbit and have forgotten how to be the Sun in your own Solar System. You feel that your happiness depends on him.

Remedy: Learn to radiate your own power and charisma from within to attract what you want and need. You want to be in a relationship with your Twin Star not with someone you need and depend on for your very existence. Create some space between you until you have fixed this problem.


Painful lesson: A difficult decision is being delayed or postponed. This is no small step we are talking about but a step that will change both your lives together. You should be moving forward as one but the decision is all his because you have given your power away.

Remedy: What this is really about is a wake-up call for you, to help you align with your own purpose. One way or another, you will have to level up. Waiting around for him will only pull you down.

The World

Painful lesson: Outer circumstances feature in a big way when why you do not feel loved or cherished is represented by this card. However, ask yourself (and be honest!) ‘Are they not just excuses?’

Remedy: The truth is that love conquers all. You live on different continents? So what?! You come from different cultural/religious backgrounds? So what?! You know in your heart that you would do anything to manifest your love even if it means waiting and/or making huge sacrifices. Would he do the same for you? If you doubt the answer for a second, you know that he is just hiding behind these excuses – he’s simply not The One.

Blessed Be!