sacred sexuality

5 Steps to Getting to Know God/dess Through Lovemaking

lovers

Are you ready for the next step in lovemaking? There is getting turned on… and then there is getting the full fireworks going! If you’re just after getting wet/hard and having and orgasm, this article isn’t for you. There is a different beginning, middle and end to sacred (tantric) love-making. It’s optional to be fully present when you have sex but in Tantra or Sacred Sexuality full embodiment of the Soul is what brings about sacred union and allows you to experience the divinity of your partner.

So how can you become fully present and start experiencing the full presence of your Beloved? How do you embody God/dess and SEE God/dess in the Other? In essence, how do experience the bliss of sacred union which by far transcends a normal orgasm?

1. Slow down. Use your breath to slow right down. As you get turned on, the normal physiological breath response is for your breathing to become faster. But it works the other way around too: You can use your breath to control your physiology. By slowing your breath down, you can make sure that you establish a soulful connection at the start of your lovemaking and also make sure that it lasts longer. It’s not so much about being in control as it is about being fully present and aware. If you allow your breath run away with you, you very easily stop making love and start rushing toward a physical climax which really isn’t very different to using the other person to masturbate with. (Associated Tarot card: The Fool)

2. Make eye contact. The eyes are the mirror of the Soul. You can’t enter into your own world and cut your self off from your lover if you keep looking into his or her eyes. Gazing deep into your lover’s eyes can feel quite scary and intimidating if you are not used to it. That’s OK! Don’t be afraid to speak your truth and if you feel that it is difficult for you to maintain eye contact, simply say so. Take a break and just enjoy other, non-visual sensations until you are ready to reconnect. There is no need to force eye contact – it’s love-making, not a staring competition. Use your eyes to communicate (give/receive) messages of love. (Associated Tarot card: Temperance)

3. Keep communicating. Don’t be afraid to speak about what comes up for you during love-making. What you process together can be integrated by both parties and help you both to grow as well as grow closer to each other. Equally, don’t be afraid of silence – a lot can be communicated through touch! (Associated Tarot card: The Magician)

Remember, communication is not just about speaking – it’s just as much about listening – actively and without judgement. To listen actively means to acknowledge what the other person shared in a caring and appropriate manner.

4. Focus on the connection. There is no right or wrong as long as both people are happy! It’s not about performance, making the right noises or looking great naked. We need to get away from how porn-damaged people have become. By all means, shave your pussy or your balls if it makes you happy but don’t do it because you feel you should because of some porn ideal.

The only thing that really matters is that you have a real emotional connection where both people feel seen and honoured. Usually, in the world of porn, the woman is seen as the dirty slut, the man as the star performer/stud. There is a total emotional disconnect and the orgasms produced from this type of sex are mechanical and therefore ultimately deeply unsatisfying, leading to the user of porn to seek more and more titillation when really what we all long for deep down is an emotional connection that makes us feel seen and loved for who we are.  (Associated Tarot card: The Lovers)

5. Forget about the orgasm! Yes, I said it. It is totally possible to engage in protracted love-making without coming at the end and still feel completely satisfied… So forget about the forced and hurried climax. That’s not where it’s at. If it happens, let it happen like a wave washes to shore… there is nothing forced about a Sacred Union.

If you both stay fully present and connected, it is very likely that you will climax eventually but that is just an added bonus. You can still leave your bedroom knowing that you made love rather than just had sex. This is the kind of love-making that creates deep satisfaction and lasting trust. You will keep falling ever deeper in love, proportionate to the degree you keep letting each other in by having the courage to stay vulnerable in your communication.

When practising sacred union every time you make love, you will begin to see the Divine in your partner more easily even when you are going about your daily business and you will long for his or her embrace again because it is real – no acting, no posing… no using each other to get off. (Associated Tarot card: The World)

Blessed be!

Lisa