Why your ex gets in touch just when you’ve found someone new and how to know what he is after

love triangle

This post was inspired by a question from a reader. She wanted to know why her ex’s always seemed to get back in touch every time she had found someone new. My reply was:

Oh, it is simple. They feel the energetic connection fading and they want to know why – on a subconscious level of course… but they’ll still act on it!

If you stayed emotionally attached to your ex and found it hard to let go after the break-up, it is likely you had a push-you-pull-me relationship varying from slightly to highly co-dependent where he was in an avoidance pattern (expressed as commitment phobia) and you were in pattern of neediness (often based on abandonment issues).

Energetically, the push-you-pull-me pattern would continue after the break-up until both of you consciously decided to move on or cut the cords.

But it’s not always as simple as your ex being curious about what is going on with you when the energetic pull/grip is lessened: He may still have genuine feelings of love for you, he could be ‘fishing’ or it could be about ownership (testosterone is funny that way!)… Very little in love (and life) is black or white. So how can you know what he’s after when he gets in touch? This is where the Tarot comes in handy.

1. Get your cards out. Ground and centre.
2. Shuffle and cut as usual.
3. Keep pulling cards off the top until you get to the first Major Arcana card look for the main (subconscious) motivating factor for him getting back in touch in the list below.
4. Pull the next four cards off the top of the remaining cards and placed them around the Major Arcana card according to the  layout in the picture below:

What Does Your Ex Want?

Deck used: Connolly Tarot

Central Major Arcana card – a subconscious, archetypal energy magnetising him toward you

1. What is currently on his mind about his connection with you

2. How he is currently fixed relationship-wise (Is he seeing someone new?)

3. How things ended between you (From his point of view)

4. His most likely course of action (or lack of action)


The Fool – He has no clue why he’s getting in touch but will have sensed the energy flow being cut off abruptly.

The Magician – He wants to see you really badly… but beware! This trickster may have an agenda. He’s used to getting his own way.

The High Priestess – You are his ideal woman and a living representation of his anima. Because he has idealised you something rotten in the past, you may now suffer the consequences of his madonna/whore complex. He’s not likely to be emotionally stable.

The Empress – He misses being looked after. Did you mother him by any chance?

The Emperor – You’re still one of his possessions as far as he’s concerned.

The HierophantCommitment phobia? What commitment phobia?! This one has made a 180 degree turn-around and is ready to settle down. Finally.

The Lovers – He is feeling amorous but rather undecided. Time (and the other cards) will tell.

The Chariot – He’s after whatever he can get. It really isn’t about what he can give.

Strength – He misses all the fun you used to have together. Plenty of spark and ‘chemistry’… could get dangerous!

The Hermit – He is really only briefly revisiting his past – possibly in an attempt to make sense of it. Maybe he’s giving you a chapter in his autobiography.

The Wheel of Fortune – He is sensing the break in the influx of energy and really not happy about the vacuum that occurred. He probably felt lucky and ‘expansive’ when you were together and was able to draw on your energy even when you were apart. His approach is opportunistic.

Justice – Another indicator that he may actually want the real deal this time around. Surrounding cards will provide more detail.

The Hanged Man – He is trying to understand what is going on but is probably not able to gain much clarity. His confusion may add to yours. Better show him the exit quickly – especially if your new bae is showing promise.

Death – He is seeking to transform… something. He’s probably not aware of what it is that would need to change for things to work. He’s also very very bad at letting go in general.

Temperance – He is seeking healing and perhaps even redemption. This card is the one that is the most likely to generate a genuine ‘I’m sorry’

The Devil – Bluntly put: He is horny.

The Tower – He’s still really f*cking angry with you. Don’t open the door if he comes knocking late at night!

The Star – This is rather lovely because with this card there is a chance for you two to reconnect as friends. This may lead to reconciliation and a new start in love too… but at the very least you will have one more friend who will be there to love and support you unconditionally.

The Moon – He’s likely to keep re-appearing because you two have a deep karmic connection. This doesn’t mean you have to keep accepting him back in your life though. Ask your angels for help with releasing any karma that binds him to you. Forgiveness works a treat!

The Sun – He will always be the one that got away if he is not returning permanently this time around. The Sun represents someone who truly feels like your other half.

Judgement – Like The Moon, this card can indicate a karmic connection  but this one will be tied in with your current life purpose to a higher degree. Think carefully whether or not this connection damages or enhances your divine calling!

The World – It’s all coming together this time around. You have every chance of resolving any issues or conflicts. This is grace and providence working hand in hand to give you both a chance to draw a line under the past and create a new and much brighter future together. Happy days!


Lisa Frideborg

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