“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
— Thomas Merton
We do not always love as well as we should because it is not that easy. Fear and the ego trip us up time and time again… There is no manual and no one size fits all recipe for relationship happiness but there are certain things we would all do well to avoid if we wish for happiness for our beloved as well as ourselves.
In no particular order except number 1, which is number 1 for a reason:
1. Going against your own gut feeling.
2. Keep making excuses for a lover who doesn’t have time to even send you a text message reply. They really are not into you.
3. Trying to change your partner. There is only one person you can change… and that is you!
“If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.”
— Benjamin Franklin
4. Changing yourself and adapting to a man’s needs, sacrificing your own needs and even your true self.
5. Using guilt and blame to emotionally manipulate your man.
6. Clinging to an abusive relationship, telling yourself that things will improve.
7. Talking about your partner behind their back.
“A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill requires only our silence; which costs us nothing.”
— John Tillotson
8. Rushing into a new relationship, holding nothing back.
9. Ditching your friends as soon as you hook up with a guy.
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
– Anais Nin
10. Not having any personal boundaries.
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
11. Not speaking up when your personal boundaries are violated.
12. Taking your partner for granted.
13. Looking for a partner to keep and support you financially.
14. Believing that a man you met while he was cheating on his ex won’t cheat again.
15. Not allowing yourself time to heal properly between relationships.
16. Looking for another person to complete you.
17. Believing that having being coupled is the only way to achieve happiness in life.
18. Not allowing your partner any personal space.
19. Checking their mobile/cell phone.
20. Discussing your partner and/or your relationship on Facebook.
21. Assuming you know everything about your partner (see point 12.)
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
— Henry Winkler
22. Treating stray dogs with more respect than you treat your partner.
23. Expecting them to be able to read your mind and punishing them when they get it wrong.
24. Bothering more about controlling them than about controlling your own emotions.
25. Being stingy with the words ‘thank you,’ ‘sorry’ and ‘please.’
26. Sweating the small stuff.
27. Believing that all men/women are *your choice of derogatory term*
28. Believing that he owes you *fill in the blank*
29. Comparing your relationship to other people’s relationships.
30. Not celebrating your love every single day!
31. Conflict avoidance. Conflict is sometimes the only way to grow the relationship.
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”
– William James