the soul mate excuse abusive relationships in the tarot

The Soul Mate Excuse

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“But he is my soul mate!”

“I can’t be with anyone else, because we are Twin Flames and have important work to do!”

“He’s just on the run because he’s so afraid of the intensity of our connection. That often happens in soul mate relationships, you see.”

“He’s my Twin Flame and just needs to work through some stuff, then my life will begin.”

“He’s treating me like crap but we are soul mates and I think I’m burning off some bad karma.”

“If I only try harder, I’ll be able to read his mind like a proper soul mate should.”

“I will never experience love like this again because he was my soul mate.”

Trust me, I’ve heard them all and then some! Here’s the thing ladies: He’s just not that into you if he is

a) not there or b) not returning your messages or c) treating you like crap… So tell me again how it matters that he is your Soul Mate/Twin Flame?

Let’s apply some logic to these situations. Yes, we have brains for a reason. While we should indeed follow our hearts in love, we are not called upon to abandon reason. In love, the decisions we make need to be aligned between heart, mind and gut in order to yield lasting and mutually beneficial results.

First of all, can you even be sure that he is a soul mate? What makes you so sure? Fair enough if you have past life memories of sharing one or more lives with this person and you both instantly knew that you were soul mates. But if it’s above average chemistry it could be pheromones, a cheeky smile, a washboard stomach or wicked tongue action rather than a true soul mate connection. Cupid is funny like that.

Secondly, even if you have shared past lives together and come from the same soul group… so what? You can’t know exactly why your paths have crossed in this incarnation and you have LOTS of soul mates… You won’t sleep with or be in a relationship with every single one of them – not even the eligible ones that you have chemistry with.

A soul mate is just someone you have a past with and that you keep bumping into on the other side in the life between lives. There is never any guarantee that you will have a future together in any given incarnation. And if it is your Twin Flame (because you just know, not because some oddball psychic told you), yes… then you will be together. When the time is right, which could very well be 20 incarnations from now, when both of you are ready. The time perspective we need to bear in mind is eternity.

Oh and in case you were wondering… Soul Mates and Twin Flames have free will too. You can’t shackle them with some perceived soul contract or because you have some supposed calling to spiritual work together. It’s up to them to know this themselves from within and you would do well to consider that you may be deluding yourself if there is zero resonance in the other person.

Thirdly, when you are in a relationship that is difficult to walk away from even when you have been dumped or you take turns dumping each other (aka a toxic relationship) it is way more likely that you find yourself shackled because you have matching psychological patterns than because of being soul mates. Finding out what these patterns are so that you can gain emotional freedom is way more important than finding out if he is your soul mate.

Finally, in the words of Pink:

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone’s bound to get burned
But just because it burns…

It doesn’t mean he is your Twin Flame!

Please stop using this excuse for someone who is treating you like crap or who simply has no interest in being with you.

Love and happiness are both inside jobs. Love yourself first and then whoever comes across your path. Trust me, you’ll be better off not worrying if you are soul mates or not. Focus on the here and now. Be happy, let go of control and build something together with the other person that they can grasp.

The only thing that matters is that they love you and want to be in a relationship with you. Forget about past lives or a possible divine calling. Take heed of the latter only if you both have a deep inner knowing that it is so.

So why are we all so quick to use the soul mate excuse? My guess is that it’s an ego diversion tactic to prevent us from looking deeper to what needs healing. Do watch those dysfunctional relationship patterns! There is no karma to burn. Karma doesn’t work that way… but that’s a story for another time…

Blessed be!