how to go no contact

How to Go No Contact (with Tarot Spread)

how to go no contact

Deciding to go ‘no contact’ with a family member or another person with whom we have formed a close bond is not a decision taken lightly. It often stems from profound and painful experiences that have deeply impacted our mental, emotional, and sometimes physical well-being. The journey towards this decision is usually marked by significant trauma, ongoing emotional or physical abuse, toxicity in relationships, or complex family dynamics such as being unfairly blamed, ridiculed or ostracised. Yet it is usually only implemented as a last resort, after exhausting all other avenues.

Jump to the ‘No Contact’ Tarot Spread

Understanding the Need to Go No Contact

Going no contact involves deliberately cutting off communication and interactions with a person who has been a source of significant distress or harm. This strategy is essential for those of us who need to protect our mental health and seek peace away from damaging influences. Whether the cause is continuous abuse, manipulative behaviours, or being subjected to a consistently negative and draining relationship, severing ties can provide the necessary space for healing and personal growth.

Benefits of Going No Contact

  1. Emotional Relief: One of the most immediate benefits is the sense of emotional relief that comes from stopping the source of distress. Without the constant negativity, individuals often find a newfound sense of calm and stability.
  2. Mental Health Improvement: Removing toxic influences can significantly improve mental health. Reduced stress and anxiety levels often follow the removal of negative interactions, paving the way for better overall mental well-being.
  3. Personal Growth: With the absence of harmful relationships, there is more room for self-reflection, personal development, and the pursuit of positive and enriching experiences. This can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.
  4. Established Boundaries: Enforcing boundaries is a critical aspect of going no contact. It helps us assert our needs and protect ourselves from further harm, leading to healthier future relationships.
  5. Enhanced Support Systems: Disconnecting from toxic family members often allows us to strengthen our relationships with supportive friends, therapists, and other trusted individuals who contribute positively to their lives.

Embracing the Journey

While challenging, the journey of going no contact is ultimately about prioritising our well-being and mental health. Each individual’s experience is unique, and the path to healing requires time, patience, and support. This guide provides insights into the reasons for taking such a step, practical advice on how to implement it, and what to expect along the way. It also includes a Tarot spread to help you navigate this difficult decision.

Reasons for Going No Contact

  1. Trauma: Past traumatic experiences can continue to affect our mental health if interacting with the person who caused the trauma. Cutting off contact can be a necessary step towards healing.
  2. Emotional/Physical Abuse: Continuous abuse in any form takes a tremendous toll on our well-being. Removing ourselves from the abuser is crucial to break the cycle of harm and start the healing process.
  3. Manipulation: Some people are exploitative and lack empathy. Their relationships are conditional and self-serving, making it unhealthy to maintain contact.
  4. Toxic Relationships: Relationships that are consistently negative, draining, and cause emotional distress are considered toxic. Detaching from such relationships is vital for personal peace and growth.
  5. Family Scapegoat or Black Sheep: Being unfairly blamed or ostracised within a family can be deeply damaging. Continuously receiving negative judgments may necessitate distancing to protect our mental health.

How to Go No Contact

  1. Plan Ahead: Reflect on your reasons and be clear about why this step is necessary. Make a list of boundaries and consequences if they are broken.
  2. Communicate Clearly: If safe to do so (and this is a pretty big IF, depending on circumstances), communicate your decision directly and calmly. Avoid prolonged discussions that may lead to further conflict.
  3. Set Boundaries: Maintain firm and clear boundaries. This includes blocking phone numbers, emails, and social media accounts to avoid unwanted contact.
  4. Seek Support: Engage with a support network such as trusted friends, therapists, or support groups. Professional guidance can provide coping strategies and emotional support.
  5. Safety First: If there is a risk of harm, ensure you have a safety plan. This might involve legal measures like obtaining a restraining order or involving authorities if necessary.

What to Expect After Going No Contact

  1. Emotional Uncertainty: Initially, you may feel a mix of emotions including relief, guilt, sadness, or fear. These feelings are normal and part of the process.
  2. Resistance and Manipulation: The individual you are distancing from may try to re-establish contact through various means, including manipulation. Stand firm in your decision and seek your support network for encouragement.
  3. Sense of Relief: Over time, many people experience a profound sense of relief and freedom. Mental and emotional health often improve as the toxic influence is removed.
  4. Mixed Reactions from Others: Family members or mutual acquaintances might have strong opinions about your decision. Be prepared for mixed reactions and remind yourself of the reasons behind your choice.
  5. Healing and Growth: With time and space, you will likely find greater personal growth and healing. Focus on self-care, new positive relationships, and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Take the time you need to heal and move forward.

The No Contact Tarot Spread

This Tarot spread can help you gain clarity and insight into your decision to go no contact with a family member due to trauma and toxic relationships. The spread consists of seven cards, each representing different aspects of your situation.

the no contact 7-card tarot spread
  1. The Root of the Issue
    • Reflect on the card’s message to understand the foundational reason driving your decision. It could reveal hidden motivations or clarifications about the necessity of this step.
  2. The Impact of Trauma
    • This card provides insight into how past trauma continues to affect you. It can illuminate areas of your life still impacted by previous experiences, offering guidance on what needs healing.
  3. Current Influence
    • This card highlights the present situation influencing your decision. It might point to ongoing dynamics or recent events that are pushing you towards going no contact.
  4. Necessary Boundaries
    • Look to this card for advice on what boundaries need to be established. It can inform you of actions to take or attitudes to adopt to safeguard your well-being.
  5. Support Network
    • This card identifies your sources of support. It might indicate specific individuals, groups, or self-care practices that can bolster you during this time.
  6. Potential Challenges
    • This card reveals potential hurdles you might face in your journey. Understanding these challenges can help you prepare and strategize to overcome them.
  7. Outcome and Healing
    • The final card suggests the probable outcome of going no contact and how it will contribute to your healing. It offers a vision of the growth and peace awaiting you.

Use this spread to carefully evaluate and contemplate your decision, while seeking the deeper wisdom the Tarot can offer in navigating complex emotional landscapes.

Sample ‘No Contact’ Tarot Reading

sample no contact tarot reading with the gnostic tarot
The Gnostic Tarot

The Root of the Issue – 4 of Pentacles

The 4 of Pentacles suggests that the root of the issue stems from a desire for security and control. You might feel a profound need to protect yourself and your resources from the negative influence of the family member. Putting personal boundaries in place is vital in terms of self-preservation.

The Impact of Trauma – 10 of Wands

The 10 of Wands indicates that the trauma has burdened you extensively. The weight of the past experiences has likely led to a state of exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed. This card highlights the importance of acknowledging the heavy emotional load you have been carrying and the necessity of setting it down for your well-being.

3. Current Influence – The World

The World signifies that current influences are pointing towards completion and fulfillment. This card reflects a significant chapter of your life coming to an end, paving the way for new beginnings. You are closing a karmic cycle. It also indicates that your decision to go no contact is part of a larger journey toward achieving a sense of wholeness and integration.

4. Necessary Boundaries – Strength

Strength emphasises the necessity of establishing firm and compassionate boundaries. This card encourages you to harness your inner courage and resilience to stand firm in your decision. It’s a reminder that setting boundaries requires both self-compassion and the resolve to protect your well-being.

5. Support Network – 9 of Wands

The 9 of Wands suggests a support network that acknowledges the struggles you have endured. This card indicates that you may receive support from individuals who understand the resilience and stamina required to navigate such difficult times. It highlights the importance of leaning on those who offer steadfast encouragement and understanding.

6. Potential Challenges – The High Priestess

The High Priestess reveals that potential challenges may lie in accessing and trusting your intuition. This card suggests that there might be hidden truths or inner knowledge that need to be uncovered. The challenge may involve delving into your subconscious to find clarity and ensuring that your decision aligns with your innermost truth.

7. Outcome and Healing – The Tower

The Tower indicates that the outcome of going no contact will involve profound change and upheaval. While this may seem daunting, The Tower represents necessary disruption that leads to a clearer, more stable foundation. Embracing this change will ultimately contribute to your healing by dismantling old, harmful structures and making way for renewal and growth.

The Quint

To calculate the Quint, we sum the numbered cards in the spread and then reduce the total to a number between 1-22 The Major Arcana card corresponding to this single digit provides an overarching message.

Calculating the Quint

  • 4 of Pentacles: 4
  • 10 of Wands: 10
  • The World: 21
  • Strength: 8
  • 9 of Wands: 9
  • The High Priestess: 2
  • The Tower: 16

Step-by-Step Calculation

  1. Sum the Numbers:
    4 + 10 + 21 + 8 + 9 + 2 + 16 = 70
  2. Reduce to a number between 1-22:
    7 + 0 = 7

The Quint – The Chariot

7 corresponds to The Chariot in the Major Arcana.

The Chariot symbolises determination, control, and the eventual overcoming of obstacles. Its appearance as the Quint card suggests that your journey of going no contact is one of taking control over your life and steering it in a direction that aligns with your personal values and needs. It indicates that through this challenging decision, significant spiritual growth will occur, leading to a stronger sense of self and greater mastery over your emotional world.

Overarching Message

The Chariot encourages you to harness your inner strength and determination to navigate through the turbulence. By maintaining focus and confidence, you are likely to emerge victorious over adversities, leading to personal empowerment and spiritual advancement. Embrace this difficult lesson as a pivotal moment of growth and transformation, knowing that you have the ability to steer your life toward a healthier and more fulfilling future.

Remember, The Chariot’s message is one of triumph through perseverance—stay the course with strength and conviction. Use an image of this card or another card from your reading that feels encouraging as your phone screensaver to remind yourself often.

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Comments

  1. I’ve had to do this several times in my life unfortunately. I changed my phone number last year just to cut most people off because the vampiric behavioral patterns that I allowed them to use against me had to stop.

    Sometimes, you have no choice but to go no contact. I get it.

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