8 Types of W*nkers

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8 Types of W*nkers

THE 4 KNIGHTS Let’s start with the reversed Knights. Their inner wanker is always close to the surface and doesn’t need much of an invitation to come out to play. These blokes are still young and they wouldn’t know subtle if it hit them in the face. Brimming with over-confidence (read ‘testosterone’) they are eager to put their mark on the world. The Reversed Knight of Wands. It’s no secret that the mark he wants to put on the world is in the form of notches on his bed post. He often has more than one partner on the go and can’t stop himself from flirting. Why should he even need to? He won’t be held accountable for any trespasses – it’s not his fault that he was born irresistible and that women can’t keep their hands off him! Player? Pfffft. He’s just young and sowing his oats! The world should be grateful that he shines the light of the Sun out of all his orifices. Suck it up, suckers! The Reversed Knight of Cups. Moody, brooding, difficult and just a general pain in the *rse. He’s almost always in a bad mood but it’s never his fault. He’s just sensitive and artistic and terribly misunderstood, you see. Yet he has this intensity behind the eyes that draws the ladies in. They seek to ease his suffering. Often quite a lot older than him, they mother him and look after all those boring earthly tasks that his artistic genius shouldn’t have to be bothered with. Manipulative? How dare you suggest such a thing! See, now he’s misunderstood again and off to drown his sorrows in a bottle of cheap red wine. The Reversed Knight of Swords. He is always right. Period. Never mind that he changed his mind just now. He was right then and he is right now and you are always totally wrong. He doesn’t date much. If he trawls the Internet dating sites it’s mostly to find someone to troll and cyber bully. He hates women and doesn’t really try to hide what he thinks of the highly irrational, much weaker sex. Will he ever score? He might occasionally pull because some chick thinks he’s really really clever. Mostly he just rapes women. The Reversed Knight of Pentacles. The thicko of the lot. Definitely more brawn than brains. He covers up his insecurity about lack of intellectual prowess by glassing people or biting their ear off. He likes his women looking like Barbie dolls and assumes that any woman of close to normal intelligence is a Lesbian or worse. You know you’ve accidentally started seeing one of these when you hear the words “What’s an intelligent woman like you doing with a bloke like me?” No matter how great the sex is, you won’t last 48 hours after that sentence has been uttered. THE 4 KINGS Kings...

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