Being addicted to being in love is one of the toughest addictions to come to terms with. In order to liberate yourself from addiction, you first need to admit that you are in fact addicted… but who wants to admit they are addicted to love? The fear associated with making such an admission is off the charts, because in making the admission, it feels like you are telling yourself (and the world) that you do not deserve to have your deepest need met – the need for unconditional love.
Of course, this is a lie. And it becomes so much easier when we understand the nature of this lie. As a former love addict, the penny started to drop for me during a podcast with Dr John Gray, author of ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus.’ In this podcast, Dr Gray talked about how children who grow up with abuse become addicted to the hormone oxytocin. During childhood it can help you cope but as an adult trying to navigate dating, love and romance, it sets you up for toxic relationship patterns.
You see, as an adult with an abusive past, you often crave the rush that you can only get from the kind of person you know deep down is bad for you… Only with them can you relive the rollercoaster ride of your childhood and get more or less regular release of that hormone you crave so badly.
Do you understand now that it is not love itself you are addicted to but chemistry? And do you understand that your deepest need is not actually to re-experience the release of oxytocin? Sure, your brain chemistry still thinks so, but you can start talking to it, like you would that frightened child you used to be. You can begin the rewiring process today. Think of your romantic self as suffering from the Stockholm Syndrome.
Sadly, out of those who suffer from this type of addiction, the last to admit they have a problem are those who spiritualise it. They too see how ridiculous it would be to let everything else in their life slide over just ordinary romance… However, if it is their Twin Flame or their Soul Mate it can somehow be justified. The self-deceit component can be very strong here. I know because this used to be me. And because it used to be me, the kind of Tarot readings I did for clients often revolved around similar issues – the Law of Attraction in action.
There are a couple of acid tests you can run to test yourself if you currently feel you have to be with someone because you think they are your TF or SM: Have you ever been wrong about someone being your ‘soul mate’ or ‘twin flame’? Then you can at least begin to admit the self-deceit component.
The acid test for TF’s is very simple. You see, Twin Flames aren’t even about romantic love – they are about serving God together… You can have zero romantic feelings for your Twin Flame, yet, if you are drawn together for the same higher purpose, you obviously are two halves of the same soul. Sure, some Twin Flames are romantically involved, but if that is all your relationship about (chemistry), please understand that you are deluding yourself about this person being your Twin Flame.
The soul mate concept is poorly understood as it is misused as an excuse for both infidelity and love addiction. Soul mates are people we have interacted with in past lives. These are souls that belong to the same soul group and that keep reincarnating together to resolve karmic issues as well as keep learning together. If you have watched the film The Cloud Atlas, you will have an idea about how this can play itself out. (You can find a Tarot Spread based on this concept HERE).
In general, if you tend to become obsessive in love, it is a sign that your relating is coming from a less than healthy place.
The Tarot Spread below is my gift to anyone out there struggling to break free from ‘love addiction.’ It is a spread that you can do on a weekly basis to keep yourself strong. I recommend journaling your readings so that you can go back over them in order to keep on track of your quest for emotional freedom.
Sometimes a cataclysmic event can be a precursor to emotional freedom. In my case it was a particularly bad encounter with a ‘soul mate,’ who turned out to be married, followed by an ex trying to wriggle his way back into my life so that we could continue a toxic, co-dependent relationship. Sure, I was a bit older and wiser but more importantly, I got sufficiently pissed off with both patterns recurring that I smashed them in one fell swoop. I called it for what it was which is utter BS and vowed to not ever repeat it again.
So yeah, getting really fucking angry helps sometimes – it certainly helped speed up the rewiring of my own brain chemistry!
It wasn’t long after that I met the wonderful man I’m now happily married to in a perfectly healthy, loving and non-toxic relationship.
I love that I had to learn the hard way because now I can pass this learning along so that you can heal a bit faster… 🙂
Aphrodite‘s Mirror Tarot Spread
1. Eros – This card speaks about the nature of your erotic desires and/or how it is currently being fulfilled
There is no need to judge your desire. It is what it is, even if it is still looping on an old craving for oxytocin. Getting your thoughts down on paper gives you back the power over your desire. You rule your desire, your desire does not rule your life, capisce?
2. Agape – This card speaks about how loved and accepted you feel by the All
Feeling loved comes from feeling connected both vertically (to Spirit) and horizontally (to people around you). The more you cultivate your loving connection to all living things, the more unconditional love will be reflected back at you. Simples.
3. Aphrodite – This card speaks about how you can magnetise more romance into your life
You are your own High Priestess of Love. If you truly desire more romance and sexual intimacy, there is nothing to prevent you from having it. How? Aphrodite teaches you how to be what you seek to attract. Magnetising love and romance because of the same qualities already being present within is what will prevent you from seeking to compensate for what you lack.
I hope you find this article useful and that you will share it with friends who might need it. I would love to hear from you in the comments below… Have you been… or are you still… ‘addicted to love’? Let’s support each other on the journey to wellbeing in love!