“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”
― Haruki Murakami
Much pain and suffering takes place every day, all around the world because of so many people feeling dreadfully lonely. Solitude is a wonderful thing and something we can even yearn for when we are in crowded and noisy environments… but loneliness that makes us feel unwanted or ‘superfluous’ in any way, is just pure pain.
We’re not always meant to skip out on pain though. There are times we truly need to embrace loneliness and I believe these two quotes illustrated this beautifully:
“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert
“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”
― Douglas Coupland
The time-out from socialising that often coincides with a break-up is one of those times and it can be excruciating to sit with the pain… but also completely necessary for healing to be able to happen. You could also experience a period of ‘solitary adjustment’ after losing a job, moving to a new and unknown location, going into retirement etc… And let’s not forget the one so many of us are guilty of: simply neglecting to stay in touch with our friends until one day we realise that there none left!
I created the Tarot spread below to help you look at your own loneliness in terms of the main theme/lesson you are now experiencing and which may have created your current experience of loneliness, what you can do to break the isolation, and also pros & cons of being on your own.
1. Main lesson – Overall theme. Could describe a recent event that lead to your experience of loneliness.
2. Imposed loneliness – Outer circumstances that contribute to your isolation.
3. Ways to change those outer circumstances.
4. Self-imposed loneliness – Describes choices you have made to make you less socially active.
5. Actions to take that will make it possible for you to experience the company of others again
6. Pros – How spending time alone is beneficial for you right now.
7. Cons – What you are missing out on or what you could be doing.
1. A break-up and being single for more than six months has lead to feelings of loneliness (2 of Cups)
2. It is worse because of the time of year it is. People are less sociable in the winter (The Sun)
3. Not much to do here except wait for the return of the sun 🙂 (7 of Pentacles)
4. A bookworm lifestyle and working from home are choices contributing to feelings of loneliness (The Hermit)
5. There is a need to draw up sound personal boundaries before networking and dating again (4 of Pentacles)
6. Emotional healing still needs to take place. Acceptance of loss is needed. (5 of Cups)
7. Teaching could be a meaningful way of breaking the isolation. (King of Wands)