My journey as a professional Tarot reader started when my self-worth was at an all-time low in my personal life. A former partner had abandoned me not long after I miscarried earlier that year. Yet that was the proverbial kick up the backside I needed to get a sense of urgency about my life and my calling.
This was back in 2011. So yeah, I’ve been reading the Tarot professionally for 12 years with two breaks due to Religious Trauma relapses. This post is not about RTS. I feel that I have finally put that behind me now. All it took was identifying the monster and dealing with it head-on, once and for all.
What turned out to be much harder to face head-on is something more insidious. It’s the lack of self-worth that led to RTS in the first instance. I guess you could say my insecurities made me ripe for the picking when I came to religion at age 17, just as I was ripe for the picking when it came to that relationship that ended in 2011. A lack of self-worth was at the foundation of both.
Needing Validation
In spite of feeling confident in my ability to read for clients and interpret the Tarot cards accurately, those insecurities continued to make me feel like my career choice needed to be validated. And since that was not forthcoming in the form of financial success, the cutting words of close family members kept chipping away at me:
“Surely there is no money in doing Tarot readings?”
“Shouldn’t you at least strive to be an Astrologer? Then you’d have more of a client base and a better reputation.”
Add to that the constant criticism from strangers and acquaintances:
“You lot damage the mental health of your clients. I know because I have to look after them!” (Mental health nurse in the local pub, referring to patients addicted to psychic phone line readings which I did not do then, nor now, but she still felt the need to stage a public put-down…)
“You do Tarot?” (Thinly veiled disgust from a supposed fellow Lightworker) “I prefer Angel Oracle cards.”
Reputation and Self-worth
To be fair, my own inner snobbery around Tarot often provided the most scathing criticism. Not once or twice but rather looping in mind, varying in volume, depending on what I happened to be dealing with at the time. “I am not a fortune-teller” and “I am nothing like those phone line psychics who just try to keep clients hanging on for as many minutes as possible.”
While that may be true, because I was in my head rather than coming from my heart and fearlessly expressing my true voice and passion for the work with the Tarot I had been called to do, I often found myself in a state of not trusting myself or the work I was doing. I wasn’t that (insert whatever was worthy of judgment). But I didn’t fully know what I was or own myself as a reader of Tarot cards.
So I used what I came across in terms of learning, knowledge and pre-approved wisdom instead. Many times, I sought to diversify when all I wanted to do was to read the cards.
Other times, I tried to present the Tarot to the world as less than what I knew in my heart to be true… Less than divine. As if it was any less than a sacred oracle gifted by the angels. And though I never believed that the Tarot was merely a pack of playing cards that accidentally turned into an oracle, I made myself believe this. Because hadn’t a popular published author so-and-so said so? Argh!
From Doubt to Divine Divination Diva
I’m done with doubting myself. I have no reason to. I love what I do and my clients do too. It’s been a long slog to get here as someone suffering from CPTSD from childhood abuse and trauma but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that at 50+, I finally arrived. And now I wish to help any of you who are still doubting and judging yourselves by outdated patriarchal 3D standards and/or because of inherent low self-esteem, whether it stems from trauma or not.
You, my friend, are here to rock the world with the Tarot! And it is my prayer that the Self-Worth Tarot Spread below will shift any lingering self-doubt to make room for your inner Divine Divination Diva to shine her light in the world! Because guess what?! The world needs you and your light!
The Self-Worth Spread for Tarot Readers
- Past Challenges: This card represents the past challenges that you have faced as a Tarot reader. It reflects the struggles and obstacles that have shaped your journey to become the reader you are today.
- Self-Worth: This card reflects the (lack of) self-worth that has affected your confidence in your abilities as a Tarot reader. It brings to light any insecurities or doubts that have held you back from fully expressing your true voice and passion.
- Validation: This card represents how you have been seeking outside validation and how that has impacted your work.
- Inner Voice: This card is the antidote to seeking outside validation. It signifies your inner voice and intuition.
- Embracing Authenticity: This card signifies an aspect you need to embrace as part of your own unique approach.
- Stepping into Power: This card symbolises the confidence that comes with owning your identity as a Tarot reader. It signifies the moment when you fully step into your power, recognising the impact and value of your work.
- Fulfilling Your Purpose: This final card represents the fulfilment that comes from embracing your life purpose as a Tarot reader. It symbolises the positive impact you have on others and the joy and satisfaction that comes from sharing your light and wisdom with the world.
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