In our Top Five Regrets of the Dying Tarot Spreads series, we have reached the regret ‘I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.’ It is very easy to lose touch with friends in our day and age because we confuse adding people as FB friends with actually staying in touch in meaningful ways. Most of us have far more screen time than actual face time with our friends and because this form of interaction lacks the depth and intimacy needed to maintain true friendships, we gradually lose touch without even noticing it.
There are other reasons we lose touch with friends too, of course, such as moving away, starting a family, getting too busy at work… Nurse Bronnie Ware, author of the Top Five Regrets of the Dying says:
“It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually, though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.”
So, other than cutting down on social media time and actually being there for our friends, what can we do to prevent dying with this particular regret weighing us down?
Well, it’s common sense really, but as we all discover thanks to global media coverage, common sense is a bit of a superpower these days. Essentially the five tips below add up to upholding the Golden Rule of treating others how we want to be treated and being the kind of friend we would love to have in our life:
- Honesty. A true friend is what John O’Donohue refers to as an ‘Anam Cara’ or a soul friend. They see beyond appearances and aren’t afraid to ask you the tough questions or give you an answer you would perhaps rather not hear.
- Being quick to forgive. Any time things go wonky, be the first to say ‘I’m sorry’ – In the greater scheme of true friendship, it really doesn’t matter who started it.
- Be generous with yourself and your time. Consider your friend’s needs above your own – especially if you are arranging a surprise birthday party for them or buying them a gift. Be there for them in the same capacity you would appreciate them being there for you but don’t necessarily expect the same in return.
- Don’t make assumptions. Assumptions and expectations invariably lead to disappointment in all close relationships. Just because you would go out of your way to buy a nice, expensive birthday gift, doesn’t mean that your friend who didn’t get you an expensive gift last time around doesn’t care if they show their care in other ways. Be especially wary of venting your disappointments with other friends. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable and be completely transparent.
- Be kind. Showing compassion is always better than being cynical and it is always better to be kind than to be right.
The Forever Friendship Tarot spread below will help you cultivate new friendships as well as maintain long-term/life-long friendships.
The Forever Friendship Tarot Spread
- The state of your friendships in general.
- Main challenge to maintaining healthy friendships.
- Your greatest weakness as a friend.
- Your greatest strength as a friend.
- Avoid this if you want to grow your circle of friends.
- Do more of this to maintain healthy friendships.
- Where to find new friends.
- What kind of friend to look for next.
- Something you could do/bond over.
Look over the five tips for maintaining healthy, life-long friendships above and interpret the cards in this context.
SAMPLE READING WITH THE FRIDEBORG TAROT
- The state of your friendships in general. The Hermit. Yep, that’s me!
- Main challenge to maintaining healthy friendships. Ace of Pentacles. Planting new seeds of friendship.
- Your greatest weakness as a friend. The Hanged Man. Passivity.
- Your greatest strength as a friend. The Wheel of Fortune. Optimism.
- Avoid this if you want to grow your circle of friends. The Magician (Mercury). Spending free time in ether/online.
- Do more of this to maintain healthy friendships. Queen of Cups. Be more caring and make yourself more emotionally available.
- Where to find new friends. 8 of Cups. Somewhere people are leaving the old for the new.
- What kind of friend to look for next. 7 of Cups (Venus in Scorpio). Someone who is emotionally intense.
- Something you could do/bond over. 10 of Swords (Sun in Gemini). Starting over from a difficult place. A love for going through every angle of a subject with a fine-toothed comb. Laughing at what scares you together.
Pearl on September 21, 2018 at 9:22 pm
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Hi, Lisa. I did this reading and got stuck on cards 1, 6, 7, and 8. I will kindly appreciate some help.
The state of your friendships in general. 3 of Earth
Not sure about this card.
Main challenge to maintaining healthy friendships. The Star
Aloofness is probably my main challenge.
Your greatest weakness as a friend. 3 of Cups
Your greatest strength as a friend. The Hierophant
Being able to be counted on and relied upon.
Avoid this if you want to grow your circle of friends. 5 of Swords
Avoid being too quick to throw in the towel.
Do more of this to maintain healthy friendships.
5 of Pentacles
Not sure about this one.
Where to find new friends.
6 of Swords
It could be anywhere online? Not sure about this one either.
What kind of friend to look for next.
I’m guessing someone free spirited.
Something you could do/bond over.
Ace of Swords
We could bond over new ideas and concepts.
Hi Pearl, sorry, I didn’t get notified about this comment in my email for some reason, so thank you for your patience and reposting.
3 of Disks/Earth could be about most of your close relationships being work-related or it could mean that you co-operate well with your friends because you wish to manifest the same sort of things.
5 of Disks/Pentacles – Learn to ask for/offer assistance.
6 of Swords could also be through travel.
The World would be someone more experienced, someone you can learn from. Free-spirited would be The Fool.
I just absolutely had to do this one. I’d love to share what I got and how I feel about it, and invite your interpretation as well
A VERY condensed summary of my “friendship situation” is that I indeed have friends I love and cherish, but none I’m very close with. I don’t have a friend that I am willing to completely open up to. But honestly, i very much want to find someone that I feel like I can open up to. This is why I wanted to do this spread
Card 1: two of cups- For me, i view this as an indication that the friendships I do have indeed are nice ones. If they need me, I’ll be there in a heartbeat and vice versa. Even though we don’t hang out all the time, we value each other
Card 2: hanged man- Absolutely. This is no shocker here. Due to past emotional traumas involving old ex-friends, I cannot bring myself to open up to people. Not even the friends I currently have and love. I’m “stuck”, no doubt about it.
Card 3: five of swords- Anytime I pull up a card that is supposed to represent me in my present state (that is not a major arcana), i ALWAYS get a swords card (i’m an overthinker). Pulling 5 of swords reminded me that sometimes i think people are judging me when they’re not. Or that people think they’re better than me, when they don’t necessarily think so. I also have a hard time feeling like I fit in. Even my current friends only have a couple things in common with me…
Card 4: five of cups- This one has me thinking a lot. I interpret 5 of cups as a card representing how our past hurts effect us and lower our spirits in the present. This is going to sound strange: but I like my bitterness to an extent. I think being bitter about the things that have happened to you, and saying to yourself “That never should have happened to me and I didn’t deserve it for a second”, is healthy. Unpopular opinion, I know. I’ve always wanted to be able to teach others that it is OKAY to feel this way about a past trauma! That we need to heal and rise above it in our own way and at our own pace, not via the way and pace of others around one’s self telling them to get over it and move on already. I wonder if this is why I pulled this card? I wonder if I’m interpreting it wrong. I’d REALLY love your interpretation!
Card 5: tower- I kind of had to laugh when I turned this card over. I was kind of sarcastic and said “well, DUH” and had a giggle lol. I definitely want to avoid chaos and fighting/all that tower energy stuff. I’m actually not a confrontational person anyway. All of my conflict recently is on the inside
Card 6: king of cups- I have issues empathizing. I think this is the card’s way of saying be a little more understanding sometimes. Ughh….I’m working on it
Card 7: chariot- Basically i need to go out more LOL! Which is hard to do in my town of nothingness. But I do keep an eye out for local events. We just don’t have much going on. But I’ll keep trying!
Card 8: ten of swords- Contrary to what most would expect, I smiled when I saw this. And not due to some weird sadist thing or anything. But….I really want to meet a friend who understands my pain. I want someone who I can help to heal that can also help me to heal. That’s ideal for me. I feel like there is a kindred spirit out there that needs me as much as I need her and we need to find each other. I feel like this is what the cards are telling me. And I agree with them.
Card 9: nine of pentacles- I smiled again when turning over this card. I LOVE nature. I garden, I take walks in the woods, I like to go to beautiful nature areas. If I could find a good friend to garden with and take nature walks with, that would be a platonic match made in heaven for me! I guess the cards are telling me that perhaps nature is something me and the ten of swords girl can bond over and heal through…Hmm….
I would love to hear your thoughts! Even if they contradict my predictions! I’m open 🙂
Hi Megan, thanks for sharing this reading. Please feel free to ask specific questions if you feel you need a new angle on any of the cards drawn, otherwise I don’t have anything to add. Blessings, Lisa
my main concern is card 4 as five of cups. i want to know how sadness from the past is my strength as a friend lol! i was curious of your interpretation
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Hi Lisa. Thanks for this spread, I had fun with it even though im still learning. Thanks for sharing 🙂
1. The state of your friendships in general.
Card 9 pentacles = peaceful, tranquil, well being… sounds ok
2.Main challenge to maintaining
Card the chariot = hmm okay victory honor. I think I put friendships to tests at times like its a race and the winners the best. I neglect the true meaning of friend ship when I do this. Maybe like I assume. A challenge to remember a friend is a friend not a race. My friends are not battle matches kevie kev.
3.Your greatest weakness as a friend.
Card the fool = lol! Too true. The fool is care free and unpredictable. I guess maybe friends will think I dont care or im a idiot. Maybe they see things I dont when I like this. Danger.
4.Your greatest strength as a friend.
Card temperance = equal balanced peace harmony. Its a nice card. Actually I dislike my friends falling out even. I love things equal.
5.Avoid this if you want to grow your circle of friends.
Card the hierophant = I get a lil stuck with this card tbh. tradition, diplomacy, spirit guide. Hmm! Aviod guidance. Ill draw a second card as stuck. I got prosperity and celebrations. Okay im thinking. Avoid my traditional way to make friends in celebrations and parties etc. Im an x dj im trying to leave this part of my life. I need a healthier lifestyle and sleeping pattern. Maybe went off key with this one?
6.Do more of this to maintain healthy friendships.
Card judgement = test completion. Okay.. maybe I need to check my friendship status. How is it going. Not only think from my side but the others too.
7.Where to find new friends.
Card king of pentacles = trade strength. Possible work which im good at. Its earth and I see growth and farming. . Ponder a lil here ^^
8.What kind of friend to look for next.
Card ace of chalices = abundance innocence. Where there are lots of ppl maybe… can only smile here. A innocent friend sounds just wonderful. Card reminds me of heaven smh. Good honest ppl. Great friends.
9.Some things you could do/bond over.
Card the world! Hah = happiness completion gratification of success. Sound like happy things to share. Being thankful for our successes and sharing them with each other.
Hi Kev, thanks for sharing your reading. I would see the 9 of Pentacles as you perhaps liking your own company a bit too much at times which tends to make us lazy in terms of seeking out and actively pursuing friendships. As for the Hierophant, I believe it is about perhaps avoiding being stuck in a rut… Are you going to all the same places and doing all the same things? Time to try something new and a bit daring… Which is what Judgement could be saying here too. Strike out in a new, life-changing direction… The Ace of Cups supports seeking out people who bring a new vibe. 🙂 All the best!
Thanks for your elaboration. I agree with it all. Time for change on my tradition, its happening. Old me wouldnt be here nor attend international peace day at church yesterday as yes im a hermit… I mean I was? 🙂 Best wishes, Kev
Hi Lisa! Thanks for sharing this spread 🙂 I tried it out, but some cards weren’t clear:
1. The state of your friendships in general: 9 Pentacles
Is she me feeling a bit alone?
2.Main challenge to maintaining healthy friendships: Queen of Cups Rx
Sometimes I don’t express my feelings clearly and then I burst out?
3.Your greatest weakness as a friend: Knight of Cups
Am I too moody or even too jealous of my friends’friends?
5.Avoid this if you want to grow your circle of friends: 3 Pentacles Rx
I lack of teamwork?
6. Do more of this to maintain healthy friendships: 8 Cups Rx
Walk away when a friendship works no more? Dom’t be afraid to be alone?
8. Where to find new friends: Judgement
No idea at all about this one
Could you help me with these ones?
Thanks so much 🙂
Hi Helen, 1. Yes, feeling along and/or learning to be happy in your own skin. 2. Yes, and also a tendency toward manipulating people emotionally – albeit not intentionally. 3. Yes. 4. Avoid trying to have it YOUR way or you’ll get a reputation that it’s your way or the highway. 5. Actually not sure about this… I don’t read with reversals myself… so back to YOU – how do you normally read the 8 of Cups Rx? It COULD mean ‘stay put’ when you are tempted to take the easy way out, I suppose… Does that resonate? 8. Would be easier to answer with the two flanking cards as I would very much read these three cards together, intuitively in a story format… But because of the Angel/Life Purpose connection of this card, I would venture to say in a place where people gather to develop spiritually. Blessings, Lisa
Hi Lisa, thanks for your help!
Your idea about the 8 Cups Rx does resonate, walking away only when there’s REALLY no way out.
After Judgement I got the King of Cups as what kind of new friends looking for, while the last one was the Page of Cups. I’d say they’re telling me to be open to the unexpected and let my emotions go freely (Page), because I can find caring and loving persons in touch with me (The King).
Cool, I think we could ALL do with at least ONE King of Cups in our lives 🙂
Thank you for your spread! I love it!!! I’ll dare to share what I got. Because I noticed that when I share it loudly than it makes larger effect on me and I take it more seriously 🙂 Also it teaches to phrase my thoughts in a more constructive way.
1. The Magician – Mercury – communicative and concerned with how to open myself and others towards our highest potentials.
2. The King of Pentacles – main challenge is to enjoy the physical existence, grounding, centring.
3. 2 of Swords – doubts, fears, worries.
4. 7 of Cups – it looks like my strength is in seeing through delusions and guarding against duplicity and broken promises. Sober.
5. 2 of Pentacles – avoid any imbalances, unnatural and those who can’t see both sides.
6. 1 of Pentacles – give presents and plant new friendship seeds
7. The Chariot – where there is balance, following of a free will and control over life. It can just mean to travel and go out of my home more often 🙂
8. Hermit – isn’t it funny? I should look for new friends who are like Lisa :-)) Those who appreciate solitude and bring light to the others around them.
9. 5 of Cups – we’ll do healing of wounded hearts with kindness, compassion and forgiveness.
With best wishes!
Haha, yes that is funny! Great interpretations, Yuliya! Lots of love, Lisa