In our Top Five Regrets of the Dying Tarot Spreads series, we have reached the regret ‘I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.’ It is very easy to lose touch with friends in our day and age because we confuse adding people as FB friends with actually staying in touch in meaningful ways. Most of us have far more screen time than actual face time with our friends and because this form of interaction lacks the depth and intimacy needed to maintain true friendships, we gradually lose touch without even noticing it.
There are other reasons we lose touch with friends too, of course, such as moving away, starting a family, getting too busy at work… Nurse Bronnie Ware, author of the Top Five Regrets of the Dying says:
“It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.”
So, other than cutting down on social media time and actually being there for our friends, what can we do to prevent dying with this particular regret weighing us down?
Well, it’s common sense really, but as we all discover thanks to global media coverage, common sense is a bit of a super power these days. Essentially the five tips below add up to upholding the Golden Rule of treating others how we want to be treated and being the kind of friend we would love to have in our life:
- Honesty. A true friend is what John O’Donohue refers to as an ‘Anam Cara’ or a soul friend. They see beyond appearances and aren’t afraid to ask you the tough questions or give you an answer you would perhaps rather not hear.
- Being quick to forgive. Any time things go wonky, be the first to say ‘I’m sorry’ – In the greater scheme of true friendship, it really doesn’t matter who started it.
- Be generous with yourself and your time. Consider your friend’s needs above your own – especially if you are arranging a surprise birthday party for them or buying them a gift. Be there for them in the same capacity you would appreciate them being there for you but don’t necessarily expect the same in return.
- Don’t make assumptions. Assumptions and expectations invariably lead to disappointment in all close relationships. Just because you would go out of your way to buy a nice, expensive birthday gift, doesn’t mean that your friend who didn’t get you an expensive gift last time around doesn’t care if they show their care in other ways. Be especially wary of venting your disappointments with other friends. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable and be completely transparent.
- Be kind. Showing compassion is always better than being cynical and it is always better to be kind than to be right.
The Forever Friendship Tarot spread below will help you cultivate new friendships as well as maintain long-term/life-long friendships.
The Forever Friendship Tarot Spread
- The state of your friendships in general.
- Main challenge to maintaining healthy friendships.
- Your greatest weakness as a friend.
- Your greatest strength as a friend.
- Avoid this if you want to grow your circle of friends.
- Do more of this to maintain healthy friendships.
- Where to find new friends.
- What kind of friend to look for next.
- Something you could do/bond over.
Look over the five tips for maintaining healthy, life-long friendships above and interpret the cards in this context.
SAMPLE READING WITH THE FRIDEBORG TAROT
- The state of your friendships in general. The Hermit. Yep, that’s me!
- Main challenge to maintaining healthy friendships. Ace of Pentacles. Planting new seeds of friendship.
- Your greatest weakness as a friend. The Hanged Man. Passivity.
- Your greatest strength as a friend. The Wheel of Fortune. Optimism.
- Avoid this if you want to grow your circle of friends. The Magician (Mercury). Spending free time in ether/online.
- Do more of this to maintain healthy friendships. Queen of Cups. Be more caring and make yourself more emotionally available.
- Where to find new friends. 8 of Cups. Somewhere people are leaving the old for the new.
- What kind of friend to look for next. 7 of Cups (Venus in Scorpio). Someone who is emotionally intense.
- Something you could do/bond over. 10 of Swords (Sun in Gemini). Starting over from a difficult place. A love for going through every angle of a subject with a fine-toothed comb. Laughing at what scares you together.
As usual, I’m more than happy to help with any card(s) you are stuck on. Don’t forget to provide your own interpretation of the spread first!