…and why that shit won’t fly. Please remember this if you have been the victim of cheating: It is never your fault that the other person cheats. Any time the cheater is trying to manipulate you into believing that it is, you are better off moving on from the relationship post-haste.
“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles, they’re reasons to break up.” ― Patti Callahan Henry
1. I was/we were drunk.
7 of Cups + The Devil + Knight of Wands
Real reason: Sense of entitlement and an inability to take responsibility for one’s choices bear witness to incredible immaturity. Can you do anything and get away with it because you had a drink? You’d still get jail time for robbery or murder if you were under the influence!
2. I wanted to shake up our marriage and make it better.
7 of Swords + Tower + Justice
Real reason: Only a total liar uses this excuses. If they really wanted to shake you up, they could ask you if you want to have an open marriage/relationship. Going someone’s back shows a lack of both integrity and empathy.
3. You work too much
7 of Swords + The Emperor + 8 of Pentacles
Real reason: Feeling neglected is not a valid excuses for cheating – the real reason (again) could be the kind of insecurity that demands constant validation from the other person. The person who feels neglected should address the issue and try to find constructive solutions to the problem. Cheating solves nothing.
4. You don’t give me any attention
4 of Cups + The Empress + The Devil
Real reason: Again, this excuse is about being/feeling neglected – see excuse #3 + also a sense of entitlement. A person who cheats because they don’t feel they are getting enough attention is often not very good at showing appreciation for their partner and the sense of entitlement usually outweighs their own generosity.
5. I have never cheated before but something just snapped
7 of Swords + The Devil + 10 of Wands
Real reason: This is an excuse of the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ variety, aimed at eliciting empathy from the victim of cheating and to plant the seeds of doubt there may be some underlying mental health condition to blame rather than individual culpability.
6. I am unhappy/depressed/I have issues/a mid-life crisis
7 of Swords + 5 of Cups + The Devil
Real reason: Similar to excuse #5. An inability to consider the feelings of the other, lying and immaturity.
7. It’s in my nature to cheat
7 of Swords + 3 of Cups + The Devil
Real reason: The must truthful excuse ever but hey, ask him/her why the heck they can’t just grow the fuck up and be in a relationship with someone who is happy to have an open relationship. That way they don’t need to lie!
8. We didn’t plan it – it just happened
Page of Wands + Knight of Wands + 7 of Swords
Real reason: And here we have the stupid person’s excuse. That it ‘just happened’ is obviously just as likely as you falling on a penis while out walking or your tongue slipping into the person’s mouth behind you in the queue at the post office.
9. The sex is fantastic. You and I could never seem to get it to work.
7 of Swords + The Tower + The Empress
Real reason: This is not a valid excuse even IF you tried everything to sort it out, including Tantric workshops, which you most likely didn’t because the cheater has taken the easy way out. Again, a sense of entitlement is implied and the other person is most likely quite shallow if this is their excuse.
10. It was just sex. She/he doesn’t mean anything to me.
3 of Cups + Queen of Wands + The Devil
Real reason: This is probably quite a truthful excuse as far as excuses go. However, bear in mind that because they did this to you, you probably don’t mean that much to this very entitled person either. This is another shallow person’s excuse and you are, like with the others, better off without him or her in your life.
I want to finish this article with a quote that truly acknowledges the pain cheating causes…
Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.” ― David Levithan