If success were measured by how well we align with our inner calling, I would be right up there in the eyes of the world. As it is, my choice of profession as a Tarot reader instead often leads to me being more or less quietly excluded/ostracized or sometimes even publicly ridiculed and told that I take advantage of gullible and psychologically vulnerable people. The majority of people do not live in a spiritual reality but rather in the dark third dimension alone and their idea of the Tarot is whatever has been served up by media or charlatans working sloppy thinking to their advantage. Because why think for yourself, right?
Growing up, more than anything I wanted to be respected for my intelligence. I come from a long line of more or less autistic ancestors, psychics and HSP’s, and the best way for members of my bloodline to ‘pass’ was to find an intellectual pursuit that we could excel at. For my mother it was languages – she was fluent in seven of them and for my father it was mathematics. He gained a scholarship to study at Sorbonne and became an inventor in the field of optic lens design.
For me it was more of a struggle. I did well at school thanks to being a fast learner but I certainly wasn’t a genius at any of the academic topics, nor did I have an overwhelming passion for any of them.
My earliest passions were the inner workings of the human psyche, mythology and the mystery behind it all… God, if you will – especially after my out-of-body experience at age six.
I remember reading anything esoteric and occult I could get my little hands on. I was completely absorbed by my grandmother’s book on fortune telling and a book about numerology I found in the local library. I soaked up astrology articles in magazines like they were ink and I a sponge.
At age 15, I came across my first Tarot deck, a card board cutout from a health magazine (Majors only.) I invited a friend over to ‘have a play’ and had my mind blown by what the Tarot cards showed me. She hadn’t told me that her mother had met a new partner. Nor did I have any idea that my friend’s new stepfather was abusing her… yet this all transpired in my very first reading. To this day, I remember seeing the Emperor and the Devil next to each other and the information flooding in… and back out again through my mouth… with me almost playing the silent witness to what transpired.
To say that I was spooked was an understatement. My friend was in tears and for the first time able to confess. This lead to her getting help and the abuse ending. But even with knowing how helpful the reading had been, I wouldn’t touch the cards again for many years. I didn’t want to turn into some kind of freak. Teenage life was hard enough as it was. Of course, Spirit objected. That same summer I visited the UK for the first time and upon entering a book shop, the man behind the till turned toward me, froze and said ‘You will be a Tarot reader one day‘… I turned around and walked back out. I mean, what the actual fuck?!
Then I forgot all about it. Life happened as life does. I got married and had two beautiful children… End of story — No, not really. After the birth of my second child, I became seriously ill. I had what spiritual healers refer to as a ‘healing crisis.’ I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis and for a couple of months my joints were so sore and swollen that I could barely move at all. I had to visit the thorax clinic at the local hospital and as I was sitting there surrounded by lung cancer patients, I was convinced I didn’t have long to live myself.
My road to recovery both physically and mentally (like many HSP’s I suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life) has been a long and winding road but it is what had to happen for me to shed my intellectual pride and take on the mantle of the High Priestess. Healing miracles happened, confirming I was on the right path. I reconnected with the Tarot shortly after my first divorce, around the time of my first Saturn return and found that I couldn’t put the cards down. In my mid 30’s I finally embarked on serious studies.
I can function but I cannot be a fully integrated part of 3D, neurotypical society. Honestly, it’s fine. The great thing about accepting my calling is that I no longer have to try to ‘pass’ or fake it. Yes, I sacrificed ‘fitting in’ but I gained so much more – I can be true to myself… and only when I’m true to myself can I serve with the full spectrum of my God-given gifts.
And I wouldn’t give it up for all the gold or worldly success in the world.
By sharing this, I hope you shed your last vestiges of fear and allow yourself to shine if you too have been called to read the cards professionally. You have a sister in me and a whole tribe of fellow readers… You are not alone!
If you are starting out on your Tarot journey or if you are wanting to progress your holistic Tarot reading skills, I have created a video series called Holistic Tarot for Lightworkers – check it out!