My Journey with the Dark Goddess
I return today after wandering in the shadow of Helheim for 12 years. This journey is ending now. A 12-year cycle is coming to a close but I have to actively bring it to a close. This is my Dark Goddess offering to bring closure and share the wisdom she imparted to me back in 2010. Sadly, I did not always adhere to the wisdom of her words. This journey would probably be a lot shorter.
“Nothing is lost that cannot be refound” she says in a voice infused with otherworldly authority “this is the Dark Goddess’s promise to guide you back to your deepest self and soul. If you choose this (…), so will it be.”Karen Clark
In 2010, I began working intensely with the Norse Goddess, Hel, ruler of the realm of the dead. She is the Norse Dark Goddess and she called me to herself while I was in a toxic relationship. Though I came willingly when she called, I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain. There were many interruptions to the healing work she had tasked me with.
The first interruption came in in December 2010, when I was told the baby I carried had T18 (Edward’s syndrome). I was faced with a grim decision: Terminate the pregnancy or give birth to a baby who would most likely be stillborn. Having a friend in Sweden who had given birth to a stillborn T18 baby, I had a pretty good idea of what awaited me. I couldn’t make the decision to terminate. Instead, I asked God to take the decision away from me. After a New Year’s Eve ultrasound, I was told that the baby had died in utero. A week later I had an induced abortion. Two weeks after that, my partner dumped me.
A Gift from the Dark Mother
Though I couldn’t see it at the time, this was such a blessing–to not have familial ties to a narcissistic partner for the rest of my life is indeed something I’m thankful for to this very day. Before my baby died in my womb, I named her Willow. She was always destined to bypass another incarnation and to be with the ancestors. The willow tree is associated with the ancestral realm and the underworld.
In an attempt to hurt me, my ex told me that I had caused the death of our baby by working with Hel, Goddess of the Underworld. In spite of the pain and confusion I felt at the time, I knew that was a lie. However, after the narcissistic abuse and being brutally dumped when I was feeling my most vulnerable, still bleeding, and still anemic after the abortion that nearly killed me, I was broken. It took many years to put myself back together and to pluck up the courage to even glance sideways at any of the Dark Goddesses.
Eventually, in connection with my Dark Night of the Soul last year, I began the real healing work. The reason for connecting with Hel was to heal my CPTSD. I can see that very clearly now. She helped me reach layers of consciousness that were hidden from view. Ultimately, it’s the compassion of the Dark Goddess and the insights she shared that helped my soul to heal. But first I had to clear any lingering CPTSD-engendering influences from my life. In the past 12 years, I lost one innocent baby and two CPTSD-engendering parents. This all had to come to pass for healing could begin in earnest.
Expect the Unexpected
I guess what I’m trying to say is that when you embark on a journey with the Dark Goddess, it’s best to expect the unexpected…
My Dark Goddess Offering
While I was pregnant with Willow, I felt extremely connected to Hel. In fact, I think the connection started earlier than that in 2010. I started channelling messages from her, some of which I shared on a Facebook page I started in honour of Hel. Finally, I decided to gather them in a document. After I lost Willow and my life fell apart, I forgot I had written 50+ pages, including many pages of channelled material from the Dark Mother.
A couple of months ago, I found this document. At the time, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. However, this morning upon waking, I was told to share it so please find my Dark Goddess Offering below.
I pray that the right people will find this gift. May it bring you healing, insight, comfort, and wisdom.