A Love Tarot Spread for Evolving Relationships

In today’s post, I’m sharing a Love Tarot Spread that I created back in 2014 for Love Dove Tarot. Using this spread 11 years later provided me with profound insights, so I decided to republish it with relevant psychological insights and new graphics. I have also included a sample reading that illustrates the level of depth you can reach with this spread.

Being in a relationship is like participating in a perpetual dance. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, and either way, the rhythm reshapes you. This mutual transformation—often so gradual we barely notice it—becomes the invisible choreography of love.

Couples in long-term relationships often start mirroring each other’s traits, adopting gestures, speech patterns, and even emotional responses. It’s a psychological phenomenon known as emotional contagion, where proximity fosters mimicry and emotional alignment over time. According to psychologists Elaine Hatfield and Richard L. Rapson, “people tend to ‘catch’ one another’s emotions, much as they might catch a cold.” In my marriage, this has even extended into mirroring bodily aches and pains, reinforcing the concept of becoming ‘one body.’

Why We Change in Love

At its best, love creates a safe container for personal growth. As partners respond to one another’s emotional needs, we begin to adapt. This adaptation can include softening defensive behaviours, shifting priorities, or developing new perspectives. The relationship becomes a crucible—transformative, even alchemical.

Psychologist Arthur Aron’s research into self-expansion theory explains this beautifully. He found that in close romantic bonds, individuals often begin incorporating aspects of their partner into their own identity. This blending contributes to a sense of personal development and a more enriched sense of self. (source)

Conscious vs. Unconscious Influence

Not all changes are conscious. Some are shaped by unspoken dynamics, past trauma, or environmental stressors. These unconscious patterns may manifest in communication styles, emotional reactivity, or resistance to intimacy. In Tarot terms, these are the background energies or “the quality of the stage floor,” quietly influencing the whole performance.

Understanding these deeper forces allows us to bring awareness to the choreography, potentially altering steps that no longer serve us.

The “Changing You, Changing Me” Love Tarot Spread

This 7-card spread can help you explore how your current or past relationship has shaped you—and how you have shaped your partner. Whether you’re working through current issues or reflecting on a past love, this layout brings clarity to the dance between two souls.

1. Current Relationship Theme

What is the central dynamic at play right now? What’s driving the steps of your dance?

2. Higher Purpose of the Relationship

What is the overarching lesson or spiritual goal? Think of this as the title of your shared choreography.

3. Unconscious Pattern or External Influence

What unseen energy is affecting the relationship? This might be an old wound, family dynamic, or environmental stressor.

4. How Person 1 is Changing Person 2

How is Person 1’s energy or actions influencing Person 2’s growth or behaviour?

5. How Person 2 is Changing Person 1

Likewise, how is Person 2 impacting Person 1 on a core level?

6. How Person 1 is Being Changed by Person 2

What shifts are happening within Person 1 as a result of their partner’s influence?

7. How Person 2 is Being Changed by Person 1

And how is Person 2 transforming in response to their partner?

Love Tarot Sample Reading – Changing You Changing Me

1. Current Relationship Theme – 7 of Swords

There’s a quiet undertone of avoidance or misalignment between partners. One or both individuals may be withholding thoughts or feelings, possibly to “keep the peace” or to maintain a sense of autonomy. This card suggests that the current dance is one of side-steps and solo performances—each person glancing at the other, but not fully facing them.

This doesn’t necessarily imply deception in a malicious sense—it could be emotional self-protection. But the relationship is being impacted by a lack of transparency or trust. One partner may be reluctant to share their fears, dreams, or true desires, leading to a disconnect in the choreography.

2. Higher Purpose of the Relationship – 3 of Pentacles

Despite the current friction, the soul-level purpose of this relationship is collaboration and co-creation. The couple are here to build something together—not just a life, but perhaps a shared mission or legacy. Their partnership was meant to challenge them into becoming better collaborators, not just lovers, but teammates.

This card urges both partners to reframe conflict as constructive. The relationship serves as a workshop for emotional intelligence, conscious communication, and mutual respect.

3. Unconscious Pattern or External Influence – 3 of Cups

Here we see the influence of outside energies—possibly friends, social expectations, or even third-party emotional entanglements. There may be unspoken comparisons to others’ relationships, or unresolved dynamics involving close companions or past lovers.

This could also hint at a longing for lightness and joy that feels missing in the current emotional climate. The unconscious craving for celebration, playfulness, or emotional inclusion may be shaping the relationship in ways neither partner is fully aware of.

4. How Person 1 is Changing Person 2 – 9 of Pentacles

Person 1 brings a strong energy of independence and self-worth. Their presence challenges Person 2 to step into their own sovereignty—to cultivate self-reliance, personal achievements, and a sense of inner value not dependent on external validation.

Person 1 may model what it looks like to thrive alone, prompting Person 2 to reflect on where they’ve been too enmeshed or overly reliant. This is the dance of individuation: Person 2 is learning to stand tall and elegant in their own power, thanks to Person 1’s solo.

5. How Person 2 is Changing Person 1 – 6 of Swords

Person 2 brings a calm, steady hand, helping Person 1 move away from old traumas or turbulent emotional waters. There’s a soothing, transitional quality to this influence. While Person 1 may be fiercely independent, Person 2 offers them a safe passage through mental overwhelm or emotional chaos.

This dynamic is about healing through presence. Person 2 may not say much, but their gentle consistency acts as a balm. They are guiding Person 1 toward emotional clarity, even if it means leaving certain old identities behind.

6. How Person 1 is Being Changed by Person 2 – 6 of Cups

Person 1 is reconnecting with their inner child and emotional nostalgia through this relationship. Person 2 may remind them of a simpler time, or evoke feelings of innocence, trust, and sweetness. This influence is emotional rather than intellectual, and it softens the edges of Person 1’s independence.

Through this connection, Person 1 is learning to be vulnerable again—to feel safe being emotionally expressive and open. It’s a return to something tender they thought was lost.

7. How Person 2 is Being Changed by Person 1 – 3 of Wands

Person 1 expands Person 2’s vision and ambition. Where Person 2 may have once played it safe, they’re now looking to the horizon with a new sense of possibility. They’re dreaming bigger, stepping outside their comfort zone, and contemplating a future with broader horizons—possibly even travel, entrepreneurship, or spiritual growth.

This is an energising, activating influence. Person 1 lights a fire under Person 2’s feet and says, “Why not you?” The dance becomes more daring, more forward-moving.

This couple is transforming each other in deeply nourishing ways. The relationship holds rich potential (3 of Pentacles) if both partners can bring awareness to the unconscious influences and realign with the purpose of mutual growth. Of note is the fact that there are three 3s in this 7-card reading, i.e. there is dynamic growth and expansion underway. Only the 3 of Swords is missing (thank goodness!).

The choreography is changing—and that’s okay.

Reflect and Recalibrate

This Love Tarot spread isn’t just about observation—it’s about awareness and choice. If what you discover feels harmonious, celebrate it. If not, it may be time to consciously rewrite the choreography of your shared dance.

Remember, transformation is inevitable in love. The goal isn’t to avoid change—it’s to grow in ways that honour both your individuality and your connection.

Check out the Angelorum Love and Relationship Tarot Spreads!