Damage Control Relationship Tarot Spread

angry couple

In today’s post, I share a Damage Control Tarot Spread. It can come in handy whatever caused the fallout between you and your partner. Maybe it was Mercury Retrograde. Whatever the excuse is, one or both of you messed up bad. Your temper got the better of you and you hurt the one you love the most. They hurt you right back and now you are reeling with pain. And it doesn’t matter who started it…

Relax and know that it happened for a reason. This shit needed to shift in time for the Shift… so it came out. Collateral damage was unavoidable. Forgive yourself and do the Damage Control Relationship Tarot Spread instead of wallowing.

damage control tarot spread

1. That shit you said or did that damaged the relationship
2. The underlying reason for your action (indicates what has come up for healing)
3. How this put a wedge between you and your beloved
4. What reaction this triggered in your beloved
5. How they retaliated or withdrew 
6. Grace to invoke from on High (pull an Angel card for this one)
7. Your best possible conciliatory move
8. Most likely outcome

Damage Control Sample Tarot Reading

tarot reading image Sakki Sakki Tarot and Romance Angels Oracle
Click to enlarge – Decks used: Sakki Sakki Tarot and Romance Angels Oracle

1. That shit you said or did

Death. The preemptive strike card in this position. End things before the other person gets a chance to do so. Say something so repulsive that they have no other option but to cut you out completely. I find it works every time.

2. The underlying reason

The Queen of Coins. An indication that the real reason for the preemptive strike was a fear of a need to be nurtured not being met. The Queen of Coins is the Earth Mother. She always has a warm hug to go with the hot meal for those who have been left out in the cold – especially children and animals.

3. How this put a wedge between you

The Emperor. The heavy artillery was brought out and there is no going back once that has been done. Power dynamics were engaged in and fragile love was trampled by heavy military boots.

4. What reaction this triggered in your beloved

The Wheel of Fortune. Perhaps he thought it was all a trick by fate… Some kind of sick joke. Or perhaps he thought the timing was horribly off. Either way, he felt as if it was out of his hands.

5. How they retaliated or withdrew 

The Queen of Swords. With her help, he finished things swiftly. The bridges were burned. Adieu.

6. Grace to invoke from on High (pull an Angel card for this one)

Conciliatory grace from on High would be found in Heart-to-Heart conversations. Quite aptly in the Romance Angels card though, she is the one doing the talking and he listens quietly. Pray for grace to open the channels of communication.

7. Your best possible conciliatory move

The Devil. More shadow work ahead before the smoke clears. Most likely without the grace aspect. This is harsh, brutal and probably necessary. Karmic even.

8. Most likely outcome

9 of Cups. Joy restored. Completion of a cycle of lessons about the power of emotions. Phew!

Check out the Angelorum Love and Relationship Tarot Spreads!


Comments 14

  1. wow this spread helped me a lot! Thanks 🙂

    1 page of swords
    2 six of cups
    3 two of swords
    4 king of pentacles
    5 hanged man
    6 ace of swords
    7 ten of pentacles
    8 page of wands

    So at one point I shut my mouth and didn’t tell him something, which started the problems in our relationship. But thinking about it, maybe I could have said something earlier and it wouldn’t have been as bad. I did it because I felt like he would love me unconditionally. Secondly I do have a tendency to talk too much. But so there is more understanding and in this case because I felt guilty and wanted to work things out.
    He started to doubt the relationship and shifted his energy into responsibility and into things that would be ‘profitable’ in the future. Maybe he then went with his gut/decided to let go so he could see things with fresh eyes. The hangman teaches us to see each other for who we are and to let go of blame. So basically there might be very little I can do. But I am hoping this is what is happening now..
    Although my next card could be that someone in the relationship might be thinking about it differently.. alas this could be me 😉 there is opportunity for new beginnings and talking could help this along, there might be an opportunity to talk. Or maybe I should try talking to him..
    Change is occurring. Im going to go out on a limb here and say that the ten of pentacles represents doing well for myself and having emotional and material security and then having a chance to reconcile the relationship. And ultimately the relationship stability is what holds us together and helps us move forward. Following the other cards, I’d say this card is almost more for him. But perhaps by ultimately reaching goals (growing by ourselves) we would then have the chance to reconcile.
    And our outcome will be passion, adventures and creative expression like that of a child. But with the presence of swords, I must also be careful about the impact of my words and not to speak out of turn. I am not sure if this card points to great team work and fun or to playfulness in a relationship.

    The past is pretty much bang on, but I’m not fully sure about the now/future. And not sure how pink my glasses are 😉

  2. Hi Lisa… geez I thought i was the queen of saying /doing the wrong shit. I guess there are others… hahhhaa! 😉


    so. 1. Ace of Pents. To me, I blabbed too much about how I feel about him (to him, when I was drunky) and this card says to me, I laid it all out on a plate and left nothing for him to have to figure out on his own… with regards to how i feel about him. Dudes love to be the boss, and to figure everything out on their own I’ve noticed.

    2. Ten of Cups. Because we’re both single parents and I had this fantasy we would blend our kids and live happily ever after under a rainbow.

    3.Wheel of Fortune. Is it a clock? is it a compass? He is moving to another province for three months to see his daughter. Perhaps he feels like getting involved with someone is ill-timed? or he is making excuses like “he doesn’t have time for a relationship”

    4. Ace of Wands. Maybe he got a giant boner. And he was all alone with it. *sigh*

    5. He withdrew with all his boners, and put me/us out of his mind, by working. And feeling sorry for himself, in his little cage that he built. (he is a handyman.)

    6. The Hermit. (help, Lisa.. hermit… he is a spiritual guy, this hermit, I know, but need help here)

    7. this was tricky, as I always close my eyes when I pull, and I literally pulled two cards from my deck:
    Four of Cups/Strength
    I see four of cups as apathy sometimes. As entitlement too. To me it is a card of ambivalence. In relation to the Strength card, she is holding open the beast’s mouth, but the lion is tamed, and seems to like it. She is calm and serene, as is the lion. Perhaps I really should bring him that massive bouquet of lilies I have been fantasizing about. Or not.

    8. Four of Wands. Perhaps the underpinnings of this alliance with strengthen. Although, staring at this card, those wooden poles don’t seem to be stuck in the ground too strong. And that castle has only one window… nevertheless, the two people look pretty stoked.

    Thoughts?? <3

    1. I think you’ll find you’re in good company, Karen 🙂 Personally, I can’t be arsed to ‘play the game’ any more and unless I can find someone who feels the same and is willing to lay all the cards out on the table, I shall remain single. Expect my company of cats to grow exponentially over the next few years. The ‘boner’ as you so eloquently put, it is not worth playing the game for. In fact, I can’t think of a single thing that does make it worth it… Sorry, I’m rambling lol

      The grace to invoke in the form of the Hermit tells you to look far back into the past in order to discern the repeating pattern here.

      To me, the 4 of Cups has increasingly come to demonstrate the need to shed some tears. It is also a card of childhood issues due to its connections with the Cancerian energies and the Fourth House, which reinforces the theme of peering into the past.

      A four after another four does not indicate a lot of movement. You’ll need Strength.

  3. I did that spread for a friend of mine.

    1. Knight of Swords
    This might indicate issues around communication or the lack thereof. And since it`s a Knight she might simply have moved on. At least let her partner believe that she had “outgrown” him or their relationship, as some new interest might have been distracting her.

    2. 5 of swords
    Maybe she felt a basic incompatibility and that she would be better off away from her partner?

    3. Ace of Sword
    A cut has been made. And she bascialy cut him off her life, I suppose.

    4. King of wands
    Hmm, not exactly sure what that means in that position. Maybe it indicates that he thought he would be better off somewhere else as well. All the swords card might have simply threatened to freeze his fire, and he needs enthusiasm instead of analysis.

    5. Death
    For him it`s clear that they are over. and even if they got back together, very significant changes would have to take place. But given the other cards I think it rather signifies that their relationship has ultimately ended.

    6. 5 of pentacles
    What is the grace in this card?
    To be content with what one has, no matter how little it is?
    Or to be sticking through these “worse” times?

    7. 5 of cups
    Probably the best move for her would be to cut her losses and just move on.

    8. Queen of pentacles
    In the end a certain emotional warmth and security would return to her life, but probably not with him around anymore.

    1. Air and Fire are actually highly compatible… but the Air here might have given his vision more clarity about what he did NOT need in his life.

      There is a LOT of grace to be had from the 5 of Pentacles – it’s just very hard to see because the injured party feels left out in the cold. It’s about asking for grace to enter through the wound… not being afraid to ask for help.

      And yes, I would agree with your conclusion.

  4. My moon is in Cancer (his Venus is too). My moods swing way too much :(. Sometimes it feels like I don’t truly know what I want. Moon is squared Venus and Pluto. I feel my emotions are always changing and I don’t feel like my wants meet my needs and vice versa. It’s all very confusing because he doesn’t want only friendship. For now that’s what I want due to the distance between us. Notice the 3 of Wands between the King and Queen.

    I believe you’re very right about the grovelling. I think I expect way too much from him..

    Thank you for your wonderful site and insight!

    (It’s Mar just in case)

  5. 1. That shit you said or did (if you’re like me you probably maxed out on both words anddoing stupid shit) that caused damage to the relationship
    King of Cups rx: I became cold and unemotional towards him. Lost control of my emotions and used them negatively while making him feel unloved and unwanted. I also literally told him that I didn’t want/love him.

    2. The underlying reason for your action (indicates what has come up for healing)
    3 of Wands rx: Distance between us. I don’t think the long distance thing will work. I often feel ignored by him.

    3. How this put a wedge between you and your beloved
    Queen of Cups rx: It caused heart break and disappointment. Unbalanced emotions

    4. What reaction this triggered in your beloved
    9 of Pentacles: He felt it was best he be on his own. He doesn’t need me. “I’m too good for this”.

    5. How he retaliated or withdrew
    5 of Pentacles: He rejected and didn’t accept the behavior any longer. He doesn’t feel I’m worth all of this trouble.

    6. Grace to be invoked from on High (pull an Angel card for this one)
    Keep an open mind and True Love
    I need to believe in us despite the distance. I need to keep telling myself that this is meant to be this way and for now I need to accept it like so. These cards indicate that we are soul mates and we have to accept each other as is.

    7. Your best possible reconciliatory move
    4 of Wands rx: Withdraw for a bit until I learn to accept the distance between us, back to the 3 of Wands lesson. Start building stronger foundations.

    8. Most likely outcome
    4 of Cups rx: Starting to appreciate things the way they are. We might both snap out of it and try to work things out.

    Great spread like always :). What do you think of the 4 of Cups (My cards are not reversed, they’re ill-dignified. Fire (wands) and water weaken each other) in regards to the rest of the cards in the spread? Would you use the positive interpretation given the Queen and King of Cups (plus angel cards), or go with a negative one?

    1. Thanks Mar. Given a choice, I’d always go with the positive interpretation… but let’s be realistic. The Queen of Cups Rx or ill dignified as the wedge is dealing with the reality and effects of emotional manipulation. It’s out in the open. This is good even though it may feel embarrassing, you now see the pattern and can heal it once and for all. Might as well own it to him. He has definitely not taken kindly to this turn of events. The card don’t mince words here. Hmmmm… The 4 of Cups is a tricky one as the outcome. It could mean him coming out of his shell after a bit (Moon in Cancer)… I suspect you’ll have to do some major grovelling though. The 4 of Wands is Venus in Aries – a quite proud love sign. Rx it can mean that you have to eat humble pie in love… wouldn’t you say?

  6. Hi Lisa! Boy did I need this reading today. 🙂

    My action- 4 of Cups
    Cause- Lovers
    Wedge- Wheel of Fortune
    His reaction- High Priestess
    His action- 7 of Wands
    Help from above- Ace of Swords
    Reconciliatory action- Emperor
    Outcome- 8 of Pents

    My interpretation- I screwed up by withholding emotions and being closed off. I did this because I’m afraid to make the choice for him. I created a wedge by taking no action and leaving it up to fate (?). He responded by acting aloof and over defensive. Grace from above- a forced clearing of the BS, communication. My best move is to get clear on what I want and I’ll have to work hard for it.

    Does this sound about right? What am I missing? The Lovers and Wheel are pretty crazy together- what does that mean?

    1. The Wheel as the wedge could indicate something about the timing being off. But yeah, The Lovers speak of fear of choosing and perhaps even cynicism about love in general. Getting clear on what you want sounds like a plan.

  7. The way you phrased things are hilarious. If anything I’ll laugh at that.
    1. That shit you said or did-7 of cups
    I had my head in the clouds instead of forging on with something solid and concrete. I looked away when I saw this…Like crap…I knew you would pop up.

    2. The underlying reason for your action (indicates what has come up for healing)
    I’m guessing this refers to my confusion probably because of my inexperience.

    The 7 of cups and Moon card really reinforce one another.

    I trying to connect the first three cards. It’s on the tip of my head. I take it I was too busy day dreaming/ maybe being delusional. My ideals of romance are pretty un-practical. (I love classic literature like Jane Eyre and Persuasion) So I spent my time thinking too much about “how romance/love” should be. I’m still feeling this way though. That automatically there should be that connection, etc.

    3. How this put a wedge between you and your beloved
    5 of pentacles
    Both of us, especially him felt left out in the cold. It’s Winter, so quite literally so.
    I’m applying one of your meanings here.

    “this card could indicate that they don’t feel worthy because they are not rich enough (usually male) or pretty enough (usually female)… or possibly not well/healthy enough (both sexes). It’s time to learn how to see with eyes of compassion and to stop comparing yourself to others.”

    4. What reaction this triggered in your beloved
    Ace of swords
    How would this be as a reaction? Especially paired with the Lovers card?

    5. How he retaliated or withdrew
    The Lovers–
    I guess he saw “clarity” and made a choice.

    These two, 4 and 5, I’m not sure if I got a decent handle on them. Any other interpretations?

    6. Grace to be invoked from on High (pull an Angel card for this one)
    I don’t own an angel tarot just yet, so I pulled an ordinary.
    Ace of Wands- God made me move…he really did. My angels are looking out for me.

    7. Your best possible reconciliatory move

    10 of cups–The cards are being so literal with me. I’m back with my family but it’s could also mean I need to learn to be at peace with myself. As a “reconciliatory move” for a relationship I haven’t a clue as to how to apply that. I do want to reconcile with him, but in this reading and in others I don’t see that as very likely.

    I have to “5 of swords/5 of cups”. You win some, you lose some.

    8. Most likely outcome

    4 of swords–Well I’m recovering health-wise but what else could this signify as an outcome. I take it to as the relationship is stagnant and will probably continue to do so. I would really love closure but I’m in no position to contact him as he told me never to do so again. He says he’s getting married so it’s possible the Lovers card could be two people, one being me. Though I never took the leap and jumped into anything with him. I guess he cut his losses.

    I read you post. “For a single person, this card usually indicates that efforts to reach out and establish rapport with the object of one’s desire is not likely to pay off. ”

    Though I don’t really desire him, I have hope attached to him. But I’m going to follow the advice in the last spread. Be a visionary and keep love/hope alive. It just wasn’t meant to be. it it is, God will find a way.

    Thanks for sending me here! It’s such an insightful spread!

    1. Elsa, yes, The Lovers is his new relationship and the Ace of Swords is a form of cord cutting he did when he said for you to not contact him. The only time someone says, “Don’t contact me again” is if they are afraid of the emotional impact of further contact. Unless they’re telling a psycho or stalker to stay away. But I somehow don’t think the latter applies to you 😀

      The 10 of Cups is more of that numinous energy that seeks to merge… like The Moon… Piscean energies… Reaching out in dreams. Cherishing the eternal bond between soul mates maybe…

      It seemed like you got a lot from this reading – well done!

      1. Haha, definitely not a stalker…which is ironic that you mention this because there was this weird “Elinor-Edward Ferrars” relationship or so I’d like to think. Where he was attached but had very strong feelings for me. But I’ve been told by others whom are connected to the situation that like the first two cards, I’m just too naive.

        I pulled some cards at some point.

        what were his past intentions towards me?
        5 of pentacles-abandonment
        7 of swords-deception/stealing
        3 of wands-waiting for something to come, perhaps better, it could have reflected either me or his GF.

        So abandonment of either me or his GF after his self-interest has been served and waiting for something better.

        So these cards echo what others have told me. That he was just looking for something on the side.

        What started as probably a chase for ego probably ended up as more than he bargained for.

        Well to the ironic bit. He made it appear as though I was the one whom was possibly stalking him even though it was the other way around. I hear its a common situation and I’m just surprised. I saw the “Sabrina” remake and a Parisian lady says, ” Illusions are dangerous people – they have no flaws”. I want that TOWER card to pop up right now for myself.

        I strongly people whom aren’t ready for relationships should begin them and applied this to myself even though someone new is supposed to come into my life soon. All situations help us grow at people if we can learn from them.

        For the Karmic lesson, it became clearer what the lessons were, his would be perseverance and mine is learning that with “pentacles” whatever they manifest, can’t be just given all away. There needs to be balance. A clearer understanding of what it means to love came about as a result. I truly believe the quote, “If you love something, set it free.” (he’s not a something..wait do w*nkers count as people?) ^_^

        Often and I’ve done this in the past, I would re-read and tax my tarot cards. Building up on a reading is the best advice for beginners like myself. Otherwise the cards are just literally going to beat you upside the head with the “stoopid stick”.

        It’s too bad there isn’t a “What type of W*anker was he?” spread or is there? I still chuckle about that!

        Ah, it the holidays for the states! So Happy Holidays! Thanks for all the extra insight.
        A rendition of “Over the Rainbow” is playing now. Another sign from God again.

        Elsa aka. Marianne Dashwood haha

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