First of all, congratulations on being single again! It really isn’t as bad as you think it is. If you were to objectively weigh the pros and cons right now, you’d realise that you’re probably better off without him or her… but let’s save that one for another day. After all, the reason you’re reading this post is that you want him or her back, right?
So let me break it down for you in simple dos and donts:
Don’t call him/her to plead about getting back together: The first thing you need to know is that there is nothing as unattractive as desperation. No amount of pleading or reasoning in the world is going to bring your ex back – in fact, it will only drive him or her further away! However, if you’ve already done this, you may still be able to salvage your relationship so stop cringing at your own behaviour, take a deep breath and resolve to move forward in a more dignified manner.
Do distract yourself from the urge to pick up the phone: Chill and divert yourself with some Tarot humour instead. Every time you have the thought “Will he call?” pull a card on it (try not to wear your deck out!).
Do locate the source of your neediness and address it with some Tarot shadow work: Pull just one card to represent the core belief underpinning your neediness. Work with a dark deck for this if you have one. I recommend the Bohemian Gothic by Magic Realist Press or Robert M. Place’s Vampire Tarot for this.
Brainstorm. Listen to your gut. Pay attention to where in the body you feel tension with this card… When did you first experience this sensation? Allow this process some time as your ego will fight you all the way. Eventually, the card will lead you to a core belief such as: “I’m not loveable,” “I’m not attractive enough,” “I can’t manage on my own,” “I’m not clever enough,” “All women are fickle,” “All men are liars” etc…
Now pick a card from a light/gentle Tarot deck or even an Angel oracle deck for a replacement thought that you can use every time you become aware of this negative core belief. Make sure that this is a replacement thought you actually believe. For instance, intelligence comes in many forms, so if you have the core belief “I’m not clever enough because I dropped out of high school,” you need to find your own special expression of intelligence and affirm that to yourself. You may score higher on street smarts or emotional intelligence than your average person. Again, just make sure that it’s true and believable and remember that you are using the Tarot as a tool for brainstorming here.
Don’t assume that you are meant to be together forever: People come into our lives for different reasons. You may have had an extremely passionate encounter. You may have gotten that certain soul mate vibe from this person… It’s still no guarantee that it’s meant to be. You may have crossed paths to learn an important lesson. And (good news!) we do have more than one soul mate! You’re not destined to be alone forever just because the one you thought was ‘The One’ got away.
Do use the Tarot to see if getting your ex back is in the cards: Use this spread to check for yourself or get a reading if you are too attached to the outcome to make sense of the cards (more often than not the case!).
Don’t put your life on hold: We’re back to the first don’t here really, as putting your life on hold for another person smacks of desperation. Not only will this repel your ex, it will obliterate your pulling power. It’s like putting up a ‘wide berth’ sign to potential suitors.
Do work on ways to be happy again: This tarot spread will help make you the Sun of your own solar system again and give you tons of ideas on how to improve and get on with your life as a happy singleton. And this spread will help you see if and when dating again would be a good idea.
I agree with all of this. Working through this issue, and just found this. This is especially difficult for me, I thought I really found someone who really saw me, really knew me, which is what makes this difficult- being 43 and still single is not where I wanted to be in life at this point. I always wanted a home with a family, with kids.
Thanks for commenting, Beth. I sympathise, being the same age and currently not in a relationship. But as Spirit keeps reminding me – our own timelines and agendas matter little in the greater scheme of growing our souls… <3
I found myself yelling YES!! so often as i was reading this, best advice ever. So often as a reader I’ve had to talk people through this stage, and the one thing I always come back to is- this too shall pass…
Thanks, faerygodmother 🙂 Nice to know my writings resonated!
Good. It’s great when stuff arrives on time 😀
As always, quite timely…