At the end of 2019, I decided to try yet another spiritual path – the blended path of my Norse and Saami ancestors. I had discarded ‘New Age’ on my search for truth, since it seemed to me little other than cherry-picking of ‘feel-good’ truths – some of which were non-sensical and/or contradictory.
What I failed to understand, as I still clung to gnosticism and other occult thought paradigms was that they were just variations on the same theme that is being carried through in the New Age movement. Gnosticism is basically the ancient version of ‘New Age,’ relying on unverified personal gnosis as much or more than any objective Truth.
‘Tarot is My Religion’
My guiding light on my decades long search for truth was always the Tarot. Through the Tarot, I felt free to communicate with spirit and receive answers to the questions I had. I even went so far as to call Tarot my ‘religion.’ When I went down the path of Nordic Paganism, I started viewing the runes in the same light, revering them as a sacred tool for truth.
In honour of reclaiming my Nordic spiritual heritage, I started going by my middle name – a name I was given as I was born on the saint’s day of Frideborg according to the Swedish calendar.
Are You Free?
Now, I live in the UK and people here just can’t pronounce my name. This includes my husband, so I told him to use whatever nickname he liked and he started calling me ‘Free.’ I liked that. It also fits well with the original meaning of the name Frideborg, which is ‘Fortress of Peace.’
If you live in a Fortress of Peace, you are about as free as you can be, right? Nothing can stress or vex you there and from that solid place, you can move in whichever direction you please without ever feeling threatened or under siege in any way.
Yet, the further down the path of Nordic shamanism and witchcraft I went, the less ‘Free’ I felt… and as 2020 progressed there were a great number of things that began to vex me. If you’re not sleeping under a rock somewhere or returning from space, you will know what I mean. The world as we know it will be no more because of the plandemic lockdown.
This Present Darkness
Feeling frantic rather than free, I did what I always do: I started researching the truth behind the smokescreen that mass media was pumping out. What I uncovered lead me down a trail that took me all the way to the top of the global Elite and their Satan/Saturn worship which includes Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) of children.
Yes, I know exactly how you will react to that last sentence if you haven’t done your own research. Instant rejection and ‘conspiracy theorist nutter.’ Well, thankfully a documentary called Out of Shadows came out around Easter – A film that has had more than 10 million views and that does not shy away from talking about the spiritual reality behind the great web of deception the worldly powers that be are weaving all around us at this time.
Others who confirm this dark spiritual reality are people like former Scotland Yard detective, Jon Wedger, who has taken down many pedophile rings in the Greater London area and SRA specialist Wilfred Wong – both Christians.
Is There Hope?
The more I learned, the more depressed I started feeling. I thought to myself, ‘I need help.’ So I decided to fast, read the Bible, pray, seek the truth and call on God to help the poor victims of SRA. I also asked for God to reveal the hope in this situation, so that I could pass it on. It seems I finally asked the right question because the answer came as a name: Jesus Christ, he who says of himself, ‘I AM the Way, the Truth and the Life.’
I wrestled with this clear answer to my prayer over the course of the past week or so. (ETA 1 June, 2020: Here is an update on how my thoughts on the Tarot have evolved.) Ultimately, the lockdown that brought me to my knees set me free. I capitulated and I surrendered to the One who came to deliver us from our self-destruction.
Being a proud and stubborn person, I only surrendered after engaging in many mental acrobatics, including clinging to Christian Gnosticism and the perceived greater freedom of thought I would be able to have in that paradigm. But the Word of God was quietly chipping away at my pride, as I started listening to the Daily Audio Bible three times a day.
It’s hard to argue with the Truth in the Gospels. How do I know it’s hard? After becoming a Christian in my late teens, I spent the past 30 years arguing and even went to Bible College so I could argue harder. I knew my church history and my doxa. I had my intellectual pride and so the seeds of faith that had been planted were choked by the weeds of that pride.
Many times during my wayward spiritual journey away from God’s Truth, I found myself missing worship service more than anything. During worship I had always felt free, whole and unafraid. I felt connected both horizontally with my brothers and sisters in Christ and vertically, with God.
I would occasionally sneak back into church but clinging to the darkness of my own pride, not in a state of surrender. I was like a starving homeless person, refusing to sit down and take part of the feast the Lord had laid out for me.
Yet the God of Miracles never abandoned me. During my apostate years, I was blessed with a healing miracle. I’m so ashamed to say that I still almost instantly managed to harden my heart and kept looking for better solutions than God’s grace. Here is a post from 2016 showing how I continued to wrestle with the concept of faith healing vs. energy healing even after I had experienced God’s healing miracles. (ETA 1 June, 2020: I now have clarity on energy healing and Reiki vs faith healing.)
A Spirit of Rejection
At least I didn’t try to hide my cognitive dissonance or how conflicted I felt. Reading that post from 2016, I can see how strong the spirit of rejection was within me. This was the spirit that kept me from surrendering all these years. I felt hated and rejected by my own family and I transferred that hatred onto my religion… or any authority figure in my life.
So what changed? How did grace dissolve the spirit of rejection? I surrendered to the Truth. It’s as simple as that. God had been pursuing me relentlessly in spite of my resistance and I finally let Him have his way.
When I asked God what could bring us hope in these dark times and the answer was ‘Jesus,’ I finally said yes to God with all my heart, holding back nothing. God helped me see that I didn’t have to make sense of theology or find the perfect denomination to accept his only begotten Son as the King of my Heart, I just had to admit that the love I had for him was all that mattered.
I need not concern myself with anything other than my love for Him which is the same love that motivates those who rush in to seek out and rescue the victims of SRA. This is a love that overflows and renews itself constantly through all eternity. I don’t have words to even begin to express how profound God’s love is for us.
Two days ago, I cleared all the witchcraft books from my shelves. They are going to be recycled as soon as the lockdown is lifted. Yesterday, I closed down my Tarot and Rune reading services page.
I don’t know what I will do for a living but I don’t want to do Tarot and Rune readings any more. I don’t even want to use those tools for myself. I simply have no need now that Holy Spirit is guiding me.
I have closed down my LinkdIn page and my Facebook page. I deleted the Weaver of Wyrd blog. I don’t know what to do about this blog yet but for now I’m guided to keep it up, so that I can testify to God’s grace in this way.
You have to find what gives you hope in these dark times. Maybe give Jesus a try if you haven’t before. What do you have to lose… except your pride?
If you want me to pray for you and/or with you, let me know. I love you.
ETA 1 June, 2020: I took this blog offline for about a month but now feel guided to open it back up. This is so that my testimony to God’s goodness doesn’t disappear completely. What I have done in the past is part of that testimony that none other than Jesus can save us, guide us and restore us to the fullness of life in God.